Addict
by SpringTime7
Summary: We all have that desire, that need for something. It is inside of us urging us on, moving us forward. Hermione has been heading in a downward spiral and only one person will be able to help her, but will she be able to accept help from him?
1. The Fix

**A/N:** **After much deliberation I have decided to add this note in order to let those who read this story understand that there is a reason for Hermione and Draco being OOC. It is all slowly revealed throughout so please do not lot that aspect discourage you. I also want to let you know that while the first few chapters may contain a bit too much sexual activity that the story is not based on that and it will peter out after three or four chapters, there is again, another very good reason why I have displayed it this way. So please bear with me and enjoy. **

The pub was crowded that night as a twenty something girl fought her way to the bar. Her thick chestnut hair was falling in waves around her face while her chocolate eyes scanned the patrons at the bar. There was a group of three guys standing near the far corner and she received a flirtatious glance from the tallest of the three. Upon noticing his gaze the girl headed in his direction.

Once she reached the group the pick-up lines began. She would be having none of that. She brushed her hand lightly down the taller ones chest and stood on her tip toes to whisper in his ear. He bent his head lower to hear her and when she spoke his eyes seemed to light up with pride.

The girl quickly moved away with a flick of her hair and headed towards the loo, the tallest one following her only a few moments behind. When the tall man entered the hallway to the restrooms a hand grabbed the front of his shirt and dragged him into the ladies washroom.

She locked the door behind them and proceeded to unbuckle his belt with a practiced skill. His trousers fell to his ankles and she pushed him on the toilet, he could do nothing but obey as she lifted her skirt and straddled him. The next five minutes was pleasure like he had never felt before and he got lost in the glory of it all. He was going to have a great story to tell his friends tonight.

The girl on the other hand felt nothing, her body was there but her mind was absent. The only thing that she felt was the relief of numbness wash through her, it pushed the pain that was her constant companion away, if only for that five minutes. When it was all said and done she knew it would come rushing back as strong as ever, but those five minutes of numbness were the only moments that she had to look forward to, the only moments when she felt she had some semblance of inner peace.

After it was all over the girl collected herself, took one look in the mirror as she applied a fresh coat of gloss to her lips and left, the young man still sitting a little stupefied but content on the toilet. She did not glance back; she did not even remember what he looked like. It didn't matter; he was nothing just as she was nothing. She walked out of the pub and with a loud pop disappeared.

_It wasn't how she thought it would be; the fumbling and the pain. After the initial breakthrough, though it got better and she was able to start to enjoy herself. It didn't last for very long, which was the one thing that she had expected knowing that it was his first time as well. Even through all of the awkwardness she couldn't help but feel glorious afterward. She had just made love for the first time and even though it wasn't anything like the stories she had read, it was amazing because it was with the man that she loved more than anything. ___

_She laid there in his arms his cheek rested on her head, she could feel the grin on his face and she knew that it mirrored her own. They had waited two years for this moment, taking their time to really get to know each other as more than just friends. Through their petty squabbles there was always love and this act cemented it just as much as getting married would have. Hermione couldn't remember ever being as happy as she was right now. _

The ache consumed her, she worked very hard to not let it show, and after two years her act had become second nature to her. It wasn't hard anymore to pretend that she was content with her life, the false smile came to her as easily as the tears used to. There was a coldness in her manner, no longer the warm compassionate speaker for the rights of house elves that she had been in her younger years.

She had grown very attractive and she knew it. She felt a sense of power whenever she felt a man's stare on her. It was the one thing that she felt that she had some control over. That is what she wanted, control. The insecure girl that she once had been was no more and she strutted down the halls of her office, head held high smile plastered on her face.

Though she knew that she was desired, she never took anyone up on their offers to go out. That was not what she wanted, and the men in the office though still wishing that she would look their way, stopped asking.

Everyone was kept at a distance, even her once best friends Harry and Ginny. They would try to keep in touch and occasionally would be able to get her to come over, but the visits were few and far between and it became hard to watch as the person that they had once known became a stranger.

Tonight was to be one of their rare meetings; Hermione was to have dinner at Grimmauld Place. It had been over a month since she last saw either one of them and knew that she had to at least show up so they wouldn't worry. She hated these dinners, hated seeing the sorrow in her friends eyes at they looked upon the woman that she had become, hated being in that house.

After the war Harry, Ron and Hermione had moved into Grimmauld Place together and she had stayed there with them for almost five years. Ginny was added to the household shortly after she graduated from Hogwarts and the place held some very happy memories, memories which she tried every day to forget.

She knocked hesitantly on the large oak front door, wishing that she had not agreed to come. She heard the sound of the locks being unlatched and the door opened to show Ginny standing there with her swollen belly. Immediately she felt sick to her stomach, but instead of choking up the bile that was now rising in her throat she put on one of her many plastic smiles and entered the house barely giving her old friend a second glance.

Hermione wasn't much of a drinker, whenever she did partake in it she found that she usually regretted either something that she said or the way that she would feel while she was drunk. Unlike with most people that drank their sorrows away Hermione's sorrows would come back ten-fold to haunt her. So it was odd when she headed straight into the parlor and poured herself a rather large glass of fire whiskey.

Ginny looked at Hermione with concern, Hermione returned the look with one of scorn. Then Harry entered the room.

"I thought I heard you two…" He took in the scene in front of him, Hermione with now half of a glass of fire whiskey and the evident tension in the room. He tried to cover up his observations and went to Hermione to wrap her in an awkward hug. She hugged him tentatively, as if it pained her to touch him, while he tried not to break her. He knew that this strong woman that she was showing to the world was just an act, but how was he supposed to break her out of it. It had been two years and nothing that he said or did ever seemed to help; all it did was drive a wedge between the two of them.

The three of them sat in the parlor in complete silence, Harry and Ginny not knowing what to say and Hermione not wanting to say anything. Her eyes bounced around the room, afraid to fix on one thing. She hated how Harry and Ginny had never tried to change anything, how it all looked exactly the same as when she had lived here. She did not need reminders, and this house was nothing but one big reminder to her of everything that she had lost.

_He was chasing her around the parlor, "I'm going to get you…" he said as he jumped over the couch and tried to grab a t her arm. She had managed to evade his grasp and moved quickly to behind the chair, giggling the entire time. He came to the front of the chair and mirrored her movements left then right until he dove to the right side of the chair and finally caught her up in his arms. ___

_They laughed together as he wrapped his big strong arms around her waist and he lifted her off the ground. Her feet dangling as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him with all her might. His mouth tasted like the butterscotch candy that he had been sucking on moments before they started their game of 'tag'. He always seemed to taste of one candy or another and she loved that every time she kissed him it would be something new. ___

_She pulled away and licked her lips, "Mmm…butterscotch." She giggled and kissed him again. _

After she had finished her glass of fire whiskey Harry had vanished the rest of the bottle. She rolled her eyes at him and tried to behave herself. It wasn't their fault that she felt the way that she did, and she really did not want to get drunk tonight it would make it harder for her later. So without a trace of resentment she let Ginny fill her glass with pumpkin juice.

They ate their dinner in the kitchen, Ginny and Harry trying to make small talk.

"How is work going?" Ginny asked.

"What have you been up to?" Harry would continue.

"We miss you…" They would both say.

To each of these Hermione would give as short an answer as possible while trying to not seem rude. Meanwhile she was counting down until she was able to leave this house of regret.

***

Hermione tried not to let herself go out two nights in a row, she knew that what she was doing was unhealthy, but it was the only thing that helped. It was the only thing that overcame the pain. After the night that she had just had she could not control herself. She had to get her 'fix'. She stuck with muggle places, one, it seemed that muggle men were so much easier to control and, two, that the likeliness of her running into someone that she knew was pretty much impossible.

It was getting late by the time that she was finally able to escape from the clutches of her ever supportive friends so she made an exception. There was a wizard's pub not too far down from where Harry and Ginny lived so she went in there. It was not as crowded as the one last night which would cut her options down considerably. She took a cursory look around and sighed in relief that she did not seem to recognize anyone there. She could only hope that no one recognized her, after all she was a part of the "Golden Trio" and after the fall their pictures had been plastered everywhere.

She stood back in the corner, taking a more leisurely look about the room. There were quite a few wizards about but a lot of them seemed to already be engaging in conversation with a witch or two. _Just my luck that I find the one pub where the females outnumber the males, _she thought_. _She was about to give up when she saw a shock of blond hair sitting alone at the bar. His figure had been hidden by a group of laughing witches which is why she hadn't seen him during her initial perusal.

Maybe it was the large glass of whiskey that she had earlier, though she did not feel it's effects in the slightest, but something in her decided to approach the lone figure. It had been years since she had seen him but there was no mistaking those blond locks. She sidled into the stool next to him and peeked over. He turned his head in her direction and their eyes met.

"Hey." He said nonchalantly, as if seeing one of his old enemies happened every day. "So, what's a pretty girl like you doing alone in a place like this?" It was one of the cheesier lines that she had come across, but she ignored that and instead fixated on the fact that he didn't seem to know who she was. She looked at him harder, willing him to remember her, but not a glimmer of recognition was on his face. The idea that popped into her head next shocked her. Could she really even be thinking about that with Draco Malfoy? Yes, she could, and she was.

What did it matter? He didn't know who she was, it would be like all of her other evenings out, hell it would even be a little funny. She could just picture what he would do if he realized that it was a mud blood that he was hitting on. With that thought she made up her mind. She was going to seduce Malfoy tonight.

She batted her lashes slightly, not enough to make her look like one of those simpering twits that she always ran into, but just enough to make him focus on her gaze. He blinked at her in confusion, obviously not really thinking that his line would work, a reaction that surprised her as he had been one of the cockiest guys at school. She shrugged it off and made her move. She could see the goose bumps raise themselves on his neck as she whispered ever so lightly in his ear. He sat up stiffly as she strode away towards the front door, seductively swishing her hips. She didn't want to risk using the loo tonight as her place of refuge, not in a wizards bar. She waited in the alley that was on the side of the building when she saw his lean figure coming closer.

Her hand stuck out form the dark recess and grabbed at his robes. She pulled him into the ally and immediately her mouth was on his. She kissed him feverishly, tongues colliding and racing around each other's mouths as she pushed his body against the wall and removed her knickers from under her robes; she lifted her leg and wrapped it around his upper thigh. She deftly removed his outer robes and snaked her hands to the front to remove his drawers.

It wasn't much different than any other time, the numbness washed over her as she let him inside. She was starting to feel it come to an end when Malfoy grabbed her hair and shouted, "Oh, Granger!"

Hermione pushed off of him immediately. The ache in her heart came rushing back but she was so consumed with anger that it didn't feel as strong as it usually did.

"Excuse me?" She said in an eerily calm voice. "What did you just call me?"

Malfoy looked at her, bewildered. "I called you Granger," his bleary eyes looked on her with confusion, "that is your name isn't it?" He asked, though he seemed to be asking himself just as much as her.

She didn't know what to say, she was enraged, at him and at herself. How could she have been so stupid, of course he had recognized her, she couldn't look that different. Instead of responding she disappeared on the spot.

As soon as she got home she curled up on her bed and let the pain consume her. She had always been so careful, never let on to anyone, never letting anyone know about what she had been really up to these past couple of years and now that was all blown. Knowing Malfoy he would have this juicy bit of information in the Daily Prophet in no time. She could see it now "Back Ally Bimbo: How our Golden Girl turned to Brass". Now Ginny and Harry would never leave her alone. With that thought she finally fell into a fitful sleep.

**A/N: This story is much darker than my normal writing, I hope it is conveyed well. Thanks for reading.**


	2. Hungover

_Her head was buried in his tear soaked robes. One arm wrapped tightly around her while the other stroked her bushy hair. She continued to sob, not being able to control herself. Every time she thought that she had a grip on herself her mother's face would enter her head and a new wave of tears would start. He stayed with her like that for three days straight before she was finally able to control the crying. ___

_He was always so patient with her when, weeks after her mother's death, she would lash out in anger. She had known that they shared something special, that she had liked him a lot, but after the way he stayed by her during the hardest time in her life she knew that she didn't just like him, she loved him. She loved him more than she ever thought was possible. His strength and loyalty, his humor and compassion, she even loved they way he ate every meal as if he hadn't eaten in weeks. She loved the way that his eyes lit up whenever she smiled. That he saw her at her worst and still was able to make her feel beautiful. ___

_It was exactly one month after her mother's death that she got up the nerve to admit her feelings to him. She kept intertwining her fingers together eyes focused on a spot on the floor. He was sitting on the couch next to her laying with his arms across the back. She couldn't see his face, and she was relieved because she was afraid that if she had to look at him she might never be able to get out what she wanted to say. ___

_"Are you okay Hermione?" ___

_"Yeah, um…I mean no. I mean yes I am but…" She didn't know how to say what was on her mind, she had practiced it in her head all day, but now the words wouldn't come. He moved forward and put his arm around her. She steeled her nerves. ___

_"I just, I have something I wanted to say…" ___

_"I love you," she laughed at the way that he would just blurt things out from seemingly out of nowhere. She felt his body tense against her and realized that laughing probably wasn't the best response. She had just been so shocked that he had just said what she had been trying to say all morning. ___

_"I love you too," she finally managed. It had been so easy to say, like it was always meant to roll off of her tongue. The tension in his arms loosened and he wrapped his other arm around her tightly. She pulled her head away from the embrace so that she could look into his eyes. There were tears floating in them which made them so much brighter than they normally were and she could feel the tears in her own welling on the surface. She was so happy and it was reflected back to her in his beautiful blue eyes. ___

_  
_She called in sick to work the next day, she didn't even want to get out of bed, and she definitely didn't want to see that morning's paper. She was certain that that rat Malfoy wouldn't have been able to keep his gob shut. Around noon there was a knock on her door and she groaned with apprehension. She didn't want to talk to Harry or Ginny; she didn't want to think about anything, not today. She pulled her sheets up and wrapped her pillow around her head to drown out the persistent knocking.

It did not stop though and was starting to give her a headache. She grudgingly got out of bed, not bothering to put on anything decent and opened her front door.

"Wha…" It wasn't Harry or Ginny, there standing in her doorway was Malfoy. She went to shut the door in his face but it rebounded off of the foot that he had wedged in the doorway. She abruptly turned around and headed back into her room.

"Granger…"

"What are you doing here? Come to gloat?" She kept walking to her room, wishing that her hallway was shorter than it was. She felt his grasp on her upper arm and he spun her around as if she were nothing more than a child.

"No, I came to find out what the hell happened last night?"

"You were there," the venom in her voice was more than apparent.

"Yes, well…I meant what happened to you. You just left."

"What? A great catch like you can't understand when a woman isn't satisfied?"

His grip loosened and she broke away and ran straight for her bedroom. She was able to close the door this time right in his face. She used a locking charm that she had made herself, one that he could not possibly be able to break, and she lay down back on her bed. There were no tears; she hadn't been able to cry in over a year and a half now. Her tear ducts seemed to be welded shut, something that she was actually okay with. Why would she want to cry over a Malfoy anyway? She heard the front door slam and felt a wave of relief pass through her. He was gone, she was alone. Then the pain came back, it had been briefly wiped away by her annoyance.

She needed a cup of tea mostly because she needed something to do. It was fine to let the ache take over last night, but in the light of day she couldn't let herself get caught up.

She went straight into the kitchen and not only made tea but breakfast as well. It had been a long night and she hadn't yet had anything to eat. She was just biting into a piece of toast when she felt as if someone was looking at her. She turned her head to see Malfoy standing in her kitchen. He hadn't left.

"Now listen to me Granger." She huffed but continued to be silent as she nibbled on her toast. "I don't know what the hell happened to you last night…"

"Nothing happened. What are you doing here, really? You expect me to believe that you the ever wonderful pureblood god is here to ask me a mud blood why I didn't finish shagging you last night?" She rolled her eyes. The best defense was a good offense, or was it the other way around, she couldn't remember, but it was something her dad used to say to her all the time, before…well before.

"Nice to see that old prejudices are still intact," he sat down in the chair across from her and looked intently into her eyes. She could not hold his gaze for long and instead stared into her cup of tea as if it would supply her with answers.

"I didn't come here to gloat, I came because I was concerned and I'll admit a bit intrigued."

She looked up at this and saw that smirk that had become so familiar from their school days. 'Draco Malfoy was concerned and intrigued by her, a filthy mud blood?' She couldn't wrap her head around it. Then she realized that it didn't matter, what did she care that he was intrigued by her? They sat there in silence for a bit, Draco waiting for a response, and Hermione not willing to give one.

He hadn't expected anything like what occurred last night to ever happen. He had just gone to a bar for a couple of drinks. He could smell her even before she sat down; it was a sweet and spicy scent that was pleasing to him. When he turned to see who it was that was sitting next to him he was a bit shocked to see Granger. She had changed over the years, there was a confidence that she hadn't seemed to posses before, not to mention that she looked quite fit. He decided to lay on a line, half jokingly. When she seemed to respond favorably he was shocked, maybe she didn't recognize him; he thought that he looked pretty much the same as he always had, but it had been a long, long time since they had seen each other.

When she whispered in his ear he felt his flesh tingle and was completely floored by what she had suggested. He had momentary doubts, but he swept those away quickly. He was not the same person that he has been at school, and obviously neither was she. So he figured why not?

It had been exhilarating, nothing like he would have ever expected from the bookworm that he had known. She was wild and amazing. Her heat had enveloped him and he was completely absorbed into her need of him. That's what it felt like, like she needed him inside of her, like if he wasn't there her whole world would crumble. He had never experienced anything like it.

When she had ended it abruptly he was confused, and even more he found that he was sad. He tried to shrug it off, to forget that it had even happened but after a horrible night of sleep he couldn't let it slide. He needed to know what happened and he needed to have her again. She was like a drug, and he knew that he had become an addict after one hit.

He wasn't leaving. She had continued eating her meal, trying to forget that he was there sitting across from her, but his presence was unnerving. When she had finished eating she arose from the table to clean up. She stood on her tip toes to put her now cleaned dish into the cabinet when she felt him standing behind her.

He held her around the waist and attacked her neck with kisses. He pulled her closer to him, groping her all over. It was frenzied and manic, but the relief from the pain in her chest had already started. Pleasure was something that she never felt during her late night encounters; it had always just been a way to relieve her aching heart. This proved to be no exception, but she was grateful for the brief respite from the pain none the less. She gave herself up to it. He removed the bathrobe that she had put on before answering the door and it pooled on the floor leaving her standing there naked.  
His hands stroked the curves of her body before he began to remove his own clothing. The numbness immediately took over her as soon as it began. It was wonderful, to feel nothing. She tuned out his grunting noises and moans and focused on the emptiness.

It was done, though it lasted much longer than her normal encounters. She pulled her robe off of the floor and without saying a word went back to her room. This time when she heard the font door slam she knew that he was gone. Now it would be safe for her to crawl back into her hole.

She didn't think on it much, he obviously wasn't going to the press which was all that she cared about. She forgot about it almost as soon as it was over, just as she always had.


	3. Slaying the Dragon

The rest of her week went by as normal, well normal for Hermione. She went to work, she came home and curled herself into a ball and sat there until she got up enough courage to eat dinner. Some of the nights she would go out to one pub or another and numb herself. She hadn't seen Malfoy since he had come to her apartment and she was indifferent about it.

One night she had decided to go to the pub down the street from her flat. Hermione didn't frequent it often due to its proximity to her home. She didn't actually have a regular place at all as she tried to not have any kind of routine so that no one would be able to find out what she was up to. She walked out of her building and down the street with a purpose in her strut.

The pub was crawling with good looking young men and she was glad because it would make it much easier on her. She could just pick one and get out. She looked around the bar looking for the right target. She saw an attractive looking bloke in the corner and was about to head in his direction when she noticed that his eyes were a bright blue, she veered in the opposite directions and decided to approach a guy who was less attractive but whose eyes were a muddy brown.

It was as easy as it always was and she led him to the back of the pub, there was a tall booth in the back that was vacant and no one appeared to be anywhere nearby. It was as good a place as any so she led him there and slid into the booth lying herself down. The guy followed her lead and crawled in on top of her. She forcefully kissed him and was about to take off her knickers when he was suddenly removed from on top of her. She looked up to see the steel gray eyes of Draco Malfoy who had evidently been the one to pull him off, the guy was sprawled on the floor and seemed to have been stupefied.

She saw the fire behind his eyes as he came into the booth and took the other blokes place. He ravaged her mouth with his kisses and roughly discarded the knickers that she had just been trying to remove. She slipped into the usual oblivion and let him guide their bodies.

When it was done she got up to leave when he grabbed her by the arm and swung her around to face him. He planted another long passionate kiss on her lips but they were resistant. It was over, there was no reason to continue; they had both got what they wanted. She got her moments of detachment and he got off. She couldn't understand why he would follow her, which is what he had obviously done, other than to sleep with her (if that's what you could even call it).

He stopped his persistent assault on her lips and looked into her eyes, trying to read something behind them, but she knew there was nothing to read, there was nothing there. She pushed her way past him and apparated straight into her building. She couldn't apparate into her apartment due to the wards that she had set up, and she didn't normally do it right in her building as a few muggles lived on her floor, but she didn't want him to keep following her and this way she could get safely into her flat with no problems.

When she got inside she made sure to secure the door behind her with more than just magic. She noticed that her lips were still swollen and bruised from Draco's insistent kisses. She rubbed her fingers across them hoping to bring back the memory of _his _lips on hers.

_The war had ended; the good guys had won, if you could really call it winning. There had been so many casualties, so many good people to die. Family and friends, strangers and enemies, all gathered together to be buried in what was to bet the biggest wizarding battle since the time of the Goblin Rebellion. The death eaters of course were not to be placed anywhere near those who fought against Voldemort. ___

_It was right after Fred's funeral, a week since the battle that he and Hermione were alone together. He hadn't been able to speak once Fred's death had sunk in, so they sat together in silence in his room. They were holding each other's hands so tightly, both afraid to let the other go. She noticed a tear slide down his face, the first one that he had shed and she wiped it away with her free hand. ___

_She could feel the heat of his skin beneath her fingers and she stroked his cheek with all of the affection that she could put into the touch possible. Another tear fell from his crystal clear blue eyes, this one she kissed away. She moved her lips to his other cheek where another tear had fallen, then slowly she inched her way towards his mouth. They hadn't kissed since their first one in the room of requirement and that kiss though passionate was short and hurried. ___

_This, their second kiss was nothing like that. It was slow and deliberate. It was sad yet healing. Their lips moved together to the rhythm of their hearts. _

He didn't follow her and decided instead to stay for a drink. Granger was invading his every thought and it was driving him crazy. Everywhere he looked he saw her, after their second time in her flat he had tried to stay away, hoping that in her absence he would be able to forget and move onto someone else, but it didn't work and after almost a week he found himself outside of her flat trying to convince himself to leave. Just as he was about to turn around Draco saw her descend the front stoop. She looked magnetic, and she must have been, because not a moment after her saw her he could no longer pull himself away. It was like she was drawing him forward with every step that she took.

It took him a minute to locate her in the pub. There weren't many girls inside but the dim lights helped to camouflage her from him. Then he saw her walking towards the very back, she entered the darkness that seemed to blanket that part of the pub and he could see her no more. Moments after she went back there Draco spotted some bloke following behind. He didn't even think as his feet led Draco into the darkness after him. Once his eyes adjusted he could barely make out the figure of the guy over by a booth in the back. He looked to be crawling into the booth and Draco felt as if a dragon had been unleashed inside his chest.

Faster than he thought possible he moved over to the booth and stood above a scene that made his blood boil. With all of his might he pulled the bloke up from the booth and cast a non verbal stupefy on him, leaving him to crumple to the floor. Quickly, before she had time to protest he moved in and kissed her as hard as he could.

He put all of his anger and confusion into the kiss and it didn't take him long to progress from there. Even if she had resisted he probably wouldn't have noticed but she seemed as hungry for this as he was. For him it was over much too quickly and he wanted more. Draco had been hoping that once they had finished they would be able to resume again at her place but that hope had been dashed when she started walking away. He pulled her arm and spun her towards him, looking into her eyes, trying to find some hint that she had enjoyed it as much as he had, that she wanted him as much as he wanted her, but there was nothing. Her eyes were blank and the dragon that had flared in his chest only an hour before had been slain by her indifference.

She left him and didn't even look back. He drowned his sorrow in muggle liquor hoping for the shame to go away.

**A/N: I know it was a short chapter, let me know what you think. Thanks for reading.**


	4. Stomach Acid

He came to her the next evening, Draco could not hold out any longer, and he tried, Oh how he tried. As soon as she opened the door to her flat he grabbed her in his arms and smashed his lips on hers. She didn't resist she became as active as he was. Nothing like the dead kiss that she had given him before she left the night before.

They did not make it to the bedroom and instead ended up against the door of her flat. Passion burned inside of him, the heat from her body enflamed him and her intensity drove him mad. He felt himself slip away into her being, not becoming one, more like he was feeding her soul with his own. All sense of self was gone and all that was left was her and her need.

He tried to stop her from shutting off once the act was complete, but nothing that he did got through. She slipped back into her shell and it was as if what they had just shared hadn't even happened. She went on with her evening like he wasn't still standing in her flat.

Malfoy had come again and she let him in to have his way. It was easier than going to a pub to find someone anyway. As soon as their lips met she starting slipping into the familiar numbness. A part of her was aware of the intensity in which Malfoy kissed her, touched her, fucked her, but most of her chose to ignore that and just let the pain ebb away.

As soon as it was done the pain started to seep back into her chest and she locked it away. She couldn't bear to let Malfoyor anyone for that matter, see how it consumed her. Hermione went into the kitchen and started on her dinner, hoping that Malfoy would get the hint and leave. She had no more use for him. He finally seemed to understand that the night was over and she heard the door shut quietly. Now she could let the pain through, let it take over completely. She gave herself up to it gladly, relishing and hating it all at once.

_It had been their worst fight yet, why couldn't he see that she only had eyes for him? Why did he always have to get so jealous? Didn't he know how she felt, didn't she tell him everyday? ___

_She had no idea that Krum would be there, why would she, she hadn't heard from him in years. Once she got together with him she had let the friendship with Krum fizzle, he was more important to her. How could he have accused her of meeting up with Krum on purpose? How dare he imply that she had been lying to him this whole time? Fury and hurt overwhelmed her and she flopped onto their bed in utter misery. She was crying so hard that she did not notice the door open, or hear the footsteps that entered the room. ___

_She felt his warm hand on her back and though she wanted to lash out at him, to hurt him as badly as he had hurt her, she couldn't do anything. His touch slowly eased the pain and she was able to slow her heaving and sobbing. How did he have so much power over her? It drove her insane, this lack of control over herself. ___

_"I was wrong." He said in a low soothing voice, continuing to rub circles on her back. In all the time that they had known each other those were three words that she had never heard him utter. He had apologized plenty of times, more times than she could count, but never had he admitted that he was in error, not really. ___

_She turned her head from the pillow and stared into his glossy blue eyes, they were wet with tears which only made them shine brighter. She could see the truth of his words; his eyes were willing her to see it. She reached up a hand to grab one of his, his hand was rough from playing Quidditch and Auror training, it felt strong and powerful against her own soft skin. She pulled him onto the bed and they lay there side by side gazing into one another's eyes._

After that he came by every night. It always pretty much started and ended in the same manner. Sometimes they would make it to the couch, sometimes it would be the floor. Never was it on her bed. Then when they were done she would go about her business until he would leave. Sometimes she would catch a weird look in his eyes, but it never lasted very long and since she didn't really know him she had no idea what the look might mean, not that she cared anyway. Malfoy had become a convenience. She no longer had to go out to get her fix now that it came straight to her.

About a month later something changed. It was about seven in the evening an hour after Draco usually came by. It wasn't done consciously but Hermione started to notice his absence. She found herself waiting for his familiar knock on the door. Whenever she heard footsteps outside she would happen to stroll by her window and look out. After two hours there was a significant difference, she was now pacing the room, inwardly lecturing herself for even caring. She was a strong independent woman and this was Draco Malfoy, she did not care. She would just go out and find someone else to ease her pain tonight. She had done it many times before; she had just gotten lazy since Malfoy had come into her life. 'Well no more'.

Hermione headed straight for her door, only checking herself in the mirror once to make sure she looked presentable. Once she was outside of her building Hermione apparated to a pub that she had not been to in a while. It was practically empty except for a couple snogging in a booth in the corner and a lone figure sitting at the bar. She couldn't see much about what he looked like, but at this point it didn't really matter. She approached the man sitting by himself and sat next to him. It didn't take long to get his attention and she was pleased to note that he wasn't too unfortunate looking, though she would never really be able to describe any significant features even seconds after she had seen him.

The usual tricks worked and it wasn't long after that he was following her towards the loo. Hermione didn't even wait for him to get into the hallway before she lunged at him. For a few seconds it felt as it always did, the numbness would start to take over and the pain would recede, but then everything changed. The bloke started to run his hands down the length of her sides and at that moment she started to feel the bile in her stomach churn and creep it's way up into her throat. She broke away from his embrace and ran out of the pub as quickly as possible. She heard footsteps behind her and knew that he was going to try and chase her down so she slipped into the nearby ally and apparated on the spot.

When she got back to her flat she saw Malfoy standing outside her doorway banging on her door. She collected herself and strode down the hallway. Malfoy, upon noticing her glared, but Hermione just pushed him aside and opened her door. He followed her into the apartment and closed the door behind them. Then she turned to him with tears in her eyes and attacked him with her lips. She kissed him as she had never kissed him before.

**A/N: So...developing? Good? bad? Let me know. Can you see where it is headed? I want to make this is a natural as possible so any advice is welcome. Thanks to all for reading and of course especially those who review. **


	5. The Need

Draco couldn't believe that she wouldn't let him in. So he had come a little late, it wasn't as if they had made any kind of appointment? He could feel the frustration and anger slowly build within him and started pounding on the door. Then out of the corner of his eye he saw her walking down the hallway towards him. The anger turned to rage and he glared at her, knowing where she must have been. He knew he had no right to feel this way, after all, all they were was friends with benefits minus the 'friends' part. He knew, but that didn't stop his jealousy getting the better of him.

He was gearing up to yell at her, even though he knew it would do no good, when she just pushed him aside as if he were nothing and opened her door. He followed her in and shut the door behind them, putting a non verbal silencing spell on the room. He was going to get his say no matter what, but then she turned around.

For the first time since this whole thing started he could see her pain as tears started to well in her eyes. Then she attacked him, her kisses were like nothing else, if he thought that he wanted her before he now knew that he wouldn't be able to survive with out her. Her face was wet with fallen tears but he ignored it and focused on the way that her tongue moved lightly against his teeth, or how her hot breath felt in his mouth. He grabbed on tightly to the hair at the base of her scalp while his other hand held fast to her waist. Unlike all the previous times they did not rush into sex but let the kiss envelope them, both reveling in it.

****

Draco thought that he saw a faint smile on her lips when they were done. As soon as he noticed it though it was gone and all that remained was the familiar cold expression that she bore after having sex. It had been such a different experience this time that a part of him hoped that she would have a different reaction when it was over. She was an enigma to him, one that he was determined to figure out.

The sex had been so unlike all their times before. She was able to acknowledge that something had changed in her, that she didn't just need sex but that she needed it with him. At first the thought made her smile slightly because she hoped that it meant that maybe she was on the road to recovery, but then the weight of it all hit her and mask slid back into place. He was Draco Malfoy, of all people, she didn't need him. She didn't need anyone. She couldn't need anyone ever again.

_"Where are you taking me?" Hermione groaned. There was a face mask over her eyes that kept her from being able to see their surroundings. She could feel the familiar pressure as he held her while he apparated them to Merlin knows where. She thought that she could hear the clang of metal before they were walking up a slight incline. They entered into a building; that much she was aware of, and they ascended a lot of flights of stairs before they stopped. She heard him pacing back and forth three times, and then grab her by the arm and led her into what she assumed was another room. ___

_He removed her blindfold and she stood in the center of what used to be the hideout for the DA. How this room was still able to exist after the fiend fire she could never understand, but there they were in the middle of the Room of Requirement. There were still tattered hammocks all throughout the room while tapestries of the three houses that stayed there hung high in the air. The only difference was that in the center near a pile of fangs was a table set for two. There were candles glowing, and flower petals all over the table. It was beautiful. ___

_He pulled out one of the chairs for her and pushed it in slowly as she sat. ___

_"Do you know what today is?" He asked her in a soft voice. ___

_Of coarse she did, today was the four year anniversary of the battle. Today was the day that they lost friends and family, that Voldemort finally fell, today was the day… ___

_"It was the day we first kissed." He brought her out of her reverie. "Four years ago today the most amazing thing happened in my life, I was kissed by an angel." He got down on one knee and brought out a small black box. Tears started to form in her eyes as he opened it to reveal the most precious ring that she had ever seen. It was small and delicate looking, perfect for her tiny hand. The diamond sparkled under the candle light and sent little rainbows throughout the room. ___

_"I love you Hermione, I always have and I always will. Will you…" He never got to finish what he was going to ask because at the point she had jumped out of her chair and flew at him, knocking them both to the ground. She kissed him all over his face, not letting one inch go without her lips touching it. ___

_"Yes, Yes, a thousand times yes." She managed to get out in between her kissing attack. They didn't even bother to move to the bed that had suddenly materialized in the corner and instead made love right there on the hard stone floor. _

Hermione got up and quickly put on her clothes. She did not understand what was going on and she didn't want to. Instead of just ignoring him after sex as she usually did she politely but sternly asked that he leave. The hurt and bewildered look on his face brought forth no feelings of remorse; in fact she hardly even registered it. All she could think about was the pain in her heart, it was a new pain, just as potent as before, just as real and all consuming, but this time it was more of a tearing as apposed to the usual stabbing.

Once he had left she got herself curled nicely into the fetal position and laid on her bed, covers wrapped tightly around her. The tears came rushing out; her cry earlier that night had worn down all of the barriers that she had worked so hard to put back up. Her chest heaved as the sobs kept pushing their way out of her without any hint of letting up.

Draco didn't understand what he had done wrong. It had been so wonderful, more than anything he ever could have imagined and then she was shooing him out of the door. He was in such a state of shock that he just stood outside of her flat, not able to register exactly what had gone wrong this time. He knew that she liked to be alone after their trysts, but she usually just ignored him until he left; now she actually had pushed him out of her home. He heard a muffled wail which snapped him out of his thoughts and made him instead focus on what was going on inside of her flat.

She was crying, hard. Draco didn't even realize that he had come back into her place until he was already walking towards her bedroom door; she must have forgotten to lock up in all her haste to get him out. Draco had never been inside her bedroom and he was hesitant to enter it now, but all worries went out of his head the moment that he heard yet another wail, this time louder due to him being inside. He opened the door slowly and crept into the dark room. Draco could make out a large convulsing heap in the center of her bed and he moved towards it trying not to make any noise.

Draco stood over her and reached out his hand to stroke her back. She shuddered suddenly and he pulled back. Once she had settled down a bit his hand went out to her again, this time making contact. Hermione's sobs hadn't changed a bit at his touch, and when he climbed into the bed and wrapped both of his arms around her curled up form she still didn't seem to notice that he was there. He held onto her tightly and whispered soothing words in her ear. After over an hour she seemed to calm down a little, her body had stopped shaking though he could still tell that she was crying.

When she finally fell asleep three hours after that he made a move to get up, but she gripped his arm so tightly that though he could have broken her grasp he didn't dare. He continued to stay by her and stroked her hair, her neck, her back all in the hopes that it would help. Draco knew that he wasn't being completely selfless as he wanted to be touching her anyway that she would let him. He needed to be by her side, even if it meant that his shirt was covered in tears.

**A/N: Promised I would update. I am not sure how well this chapter flows, any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks to those have reviewed and thanks to all that have read. I hope that you are enjoying, and if not let me know. :)**

**P.S. My sister is in labor right now and I am still posting. I think I might need help.**


	6. Intervention

"WHAT IN THE… GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

Hermione's dream had been so sweet, one of the best dreams that she had had in a while. She couldn't remember all of the details, but what she could remember was the feeling of strong arms wrapping themselves around her and making her feel safer then she had in years. The dream was shattered when she awoke to find Malfoy in her bed, one arm flung over her chest. What was he doing here? She knew that she had kicked him out the night before. She couldn't remember much once she had submitted to the pain, but she did know that he was not there when she had gone to bed. She was not only angry she was scared; scared that he had seen her breaking down, scared that he had seen her lose control. No one ever got to see that side of her, not since… She shook her head to rid herself of that thought and continued to scream her head off all the while throwing curses this way and that as Malfoy ran from her flat faster than she had ever seen the ferret run.

Thankfully Hermione was all out of tears and was able to collect herself fairly quickly. She went to work as she normally would have, keeping everyone at arm's length. It was a busy day and she was grateful because it offered her little time to think about the events of the night before. Sure she was exhausted after a night of crying, but exhaustion was nothing new to her.

Instead of going home in fear of what, or who she might find there she decided to pay a visit to Harry and Ginny. It had been a while since their last rather disastrous evening and she felt it was time for yet another awkward dinner, anything was better than staying at home and dreading/awaiting Malfoy's presence.

They hadn't been expecting her of course, but as always they would try to pretend to be happy that she had come around. She felt in her heart that they abhorred these little encounters as much as she had, but were too nice to admit it. She knocked on the door and plastered her smile on her face in readiness for them to answer.

**

What she met there shocked her more than anything else. There he was standing in their kitchen, sipping tea as if it was a normal everyday occurrence. Her jaw literally dropped to the floor, and she was about to turn and leave when she felt someone grab her from behind.

"You are not leaving." It was Harry, his voice strong and determined. She opened her mouth to argue but just as soon as she had Harry placed a silencing charm on her. It did not stop her from fiercely mouthing off a string of profanities that, though not heard, could be clearly made out by anyone watching her. She stomped around clenching her fists as her face was slowly turning red from anger. Harry, Ginny and Malfoy watched in silence, waiting for her to collect herself.

It took longer than any of them would have suspected, she was normally so good at putting on her façade that none of them doubted her ability to control her anger. After an hour of her silent rampage, Hermione finally was able to gather some semblance of herself together and she sat down at the table, arms crossed waiting for someone to explain to her exactly what was going on.

Ginny was the first to speak, "Hermione, are you okay?" There was genuine concern on her face, the same expression that Ginny often wore when speaking to her, it made Hermione sick to see it. Due to the fact that she was still under the silencing charm they couldn't hear her 'NO' but it wasn't hard to figure out. A look from Ginny and Harry removed the charm.

"What is he doing here?" She hissed. Malfoy didn't seem to be fazed by the venom in her voice, but both Harry and Ginny flinched.

"He came here because he was worried about you," Harry reached out to stroke her arm but Hermione quickly jerked her body away.

"So you just let the ferret in? What were you thinking? This is Malfoy, remember him? You HATE him?"

"No, I don't." Malfoy broke his eyes away from Hermione and looked incredulously at him. "I don't know him to hate him."

"Yes you do, this is the boy responsible for Dumbledor's death, the one who mercilessly mocked us in school, the one who tried to attack us in the Room of Requirement. He is Malfoy!"

"No Hermione, he was Malfoy, that was a long time ago, people and things change. Like I said I don't know him to hate him. That _boy_ you are talking about is now a different _man_." Harry sighed then continued, "Just as you Hermione are a different woman, one that I barely even recognize"

"What is that supposed to mean? I'm still me, and _he_ is definitely still Malfoy." She couldn't believe that Harry was defending him, how could he after everything that had happened. She didn't take much stock in what he had said about her; Harry couldn't possibly know the truth of his words and how much she knew she had changed.

"He came here because he was worried about you, already that shows that he is not who he was." Hermione huffed. "Besides, I am not the one who is sleeping with him."

The shock that she had felt at seeing him there in the first place was nothing compared to this. There were no words to express what she was now feeling. That he had told them about her crying fit she had no doubt, but that he had let them know about their little trysts was unbelievable. Shock was quickly replaced with anger, and this time Harry was not able to stop her as she got up and ran from the house.

In her rage she made a determined bee line for the nearest pub, not thinking about anything but taking away the pain that she was now feeling, she felt betrayed, not just by Malfoy but by Harry and Ginny too. How could they side with him? How could they just take his word for it? It didn't matter to her that it was all true, what mattered is that they would trust him over her; that they would accept him into their home so easily.

She entered the pub and went straight for the first man she saw. The encounter was over quickly and she left him panting in the restroom. There had been no relief this time, no numbness to take over. In her frustration she didn't hesitate and grabbed the next man within her reach for round two. This one she abandoned in the alley outside, still not having experienced her escape into oblivion. _What is wrong with me? Well, besides the obvious._ She just couldn't get over the fact that her random sexcapades were not working to ease her pain. What was she going to do now to escape?

With a heavy heart she went home. There sitting against her front door was Malfoy; his hair messier than she had ever seen it (including after their little encounters), his eyes were blood shot and she could see blood on his knuckles. When he looked up at her face she was also able to see the tears floating behind his eyes. He stayed there, on the floor and ran his hand through his disheveled hair. For a moment the anger that she had felt towards him abated and pity took hold. Hermione held her hand down to him to help him up. As soon as her fingers touched his warm skin she could feel the pain slowly ebb away.

It shocked her and she pulled her hand back only to watch Malfoy slump back on the floor. His eyes were pleading with her, begging her to help him, but the rage that had left with the sight of him seeped back in and her mask slipped back on. Instead of helping him she left him sitting on the ground and went into her flat.

That morning he had woken up to her screaming at him. It took him a second to realize where he was. Draco hadn't meant to fall asleep, he knew that it could be dangerous, and he had been right. Immediately she started flinging curses at him as he scrambled for the door. She followed him out of her bedroom where the curses got even worse. One of them grazed his shoulder and he felt a stinging sensation go down his arm.

He had never run that fast in his life, not even when he was being chased by the Fiend Fire in the Room of Requirement. His heart was racing as he exited her flat, and even though he knew that she wasn't following behind he kept up the pace until he was able to apparate. He stood at the front door to his home, hunched over, hands on his knees panting as he tried to catch his breath.

Once he felt his heart rate slow to a normal pace he headed inside. Anyone who knew Draco in school never would have expected his home to look as it did. It was a rather odd mixture of wizard and muggle artifacts and gadgets. He plopped down onto his overstuffed chair, laid his head back and tried to figure out what was wrong with him and what he was going to do about it.

The fact that he couldn't keep away from her bothered him, he had never needed anyone before, not the way he needed her. The fact that is was Granger that he found himself so drawn to irked him even more. It had been years since school, and though he was a different person than he had been back then, didn't make it any easier to find that he had to have the one person that he had always tormented.

Draco wasn't sure what was wrong with her, obviously she had changed over the years as well, but it was such a drastic difference that he knew there was more to it then that she had turned into a tart. After last nights performance the idea that she was unhappy was confirmed, now all that remained was for him decide if he should just leave it be or actually do something about it. Considering what he was beginning to feel for her the decision was not as easy to make.

If he got involved and tried to help he could very well lose her forever, but if he let it be then it would continue until she could end up truly hurting herself. He had been raised to be a selfish being, and there was a big part of him that wanted to just let them continue as they were, but then his reason took over.

Draco couldn't allow her to keep suffering as she had been doing. The idea that he would even think of not trying to help sickened him, but what could he do? He didn't even know what was wrong, let alone how to fix it. Draco picked up The Daily Prophet that was atop his end table and started to peruse the articles, hoping that he would find some kind of idea in the distraction.

He had just finished reading an article about the Chudley Cannons first win in a decade when he turned the page to see a picture of the famous Harry Potter.

_THE CHOSEN ONE HAS CHOSEN _  
It went on to tell about how Potter had changed his broom from a Firebolt to the new Lightning series as his broom of choice. It was a silly puff piece for filler but it gave Draco an idea. Potter could help him. If there was anyone who might know what was going on with Granger it would be him, and he might be able to help her since Draco was obviously doing a bad job of it.

The only problem is that the last time he saw Potter was when he was at Draco's trial, and it hadn't gone well. Not that there had been any confrontation. Draco already knew that he was going to be in trouble for the things that he had done, he had been resigned to that fate, but Potter's apparent hatred for him had also been evident in his testimony against Draco.

Draco had been sentenced to five years with no magic. He was ousted from the magical community and lived as a muggle for that duration, not even allowed to see his mother (who thanks to Potter's testimony on her behalf received a lesser punishment of one year probation). It had not been easy, living as a muggle (or squib in truth), but he had learned to appreciate things that he never would have even bothered to understand before.

He still had traces of his former self, in the way that he bore himself, in the way that he spoke, he was still a bit selfish, but now he was more understanding, compassionate, and above all else, less of a bigot.

He would just have to take it like a man and see what he could do, now that the idea had come to him there was no way that he would back down, not if it would help her. So with determination he stood on the door of the famous wizard and old enemy and knocked.

A redhead answered the door that he immediately recognized as the sister of Weasel King (he most definitely had not gotten over all of his prejudices). She was swollen with child and her red hair was piled in a hasty lump on her head. From the look in her eyes he could tell that she was surprised to see him.

Draco had been out of the wizarding world for so long that he was not aware of what had been going on. Even though his sentence had been up after five years he had met a muggle that he had fallen in love with and had decided to stay in the muggle world for her. To say that it did not work out would have been an understatement.

It had not ended well, and he had finally made his way back to the society of his own kind. He was not welcomed back with opened arms, people who recognized him would shun him, those who didn't, would ignore him once they found out who he was. His mother was the only true friend he had anymore, as he no longer welcomed the society of his old comrades.

So Draco had seemed to miss out on a lot of big news events, such as Potter marrying the Weasel girl.

"What do you want?" She snarled. Just as fiery as he had remembered, and he hoped that none of her hexes would be flying in his direction.

"I have come to talk to Potter."

"What makes you think he would ever want to talk to you?" Her arms went to her waist and though it was a bit funny to see such a pregnant lady standing so defiantly he could tell that she was not someone to mess with.

"It's about Granger…"

"What did you do to her? Where is she…"

"Nothing, nothing I swear." He held his arms up in submission, "I just think that there is something wrong, and if anyone can help her it would be Potter."

The Weaslette scowled at him, but moved aside to let him in. She pointed him towards a room on the second floor and followed after him. He entered what looked to be a den and saw Potter sitting in a high backed chair behind a desk reading a file of some sort.

"We have a visitor," Draco heard the Weaslette's voice ring from behind him, loathing punctuating every syllable.

Potter looked up from his file, and though no shock registered on his face, Draco knew that this was not what he had expected. He didn't wear his hostility as openly as his wife, but Draco could feel the underlying tension coming off of him in waves.

This was not going to be easy. Draco knew that he had to say something, to start the conversation before Potter was able to throw him out, but now that he was here he didn't know how to begin. How do you tell your old enemy that you are sleeping with his best friend without him hexing you into oblivion?

"Malfoy, to what do we owe this pleasure?" The sarcasm was noted, and it spurred Draco on to finally speak.

"It's about Granger," unlike his wife he did not immediately come to the conclusion that Draco had done anything to her, something that he was grateful for. "I am worried about her."

Potter showed the first sign of emotion at this, but he covered his surprise quickly and waved his hand for Draco to continue.

"I was with her last night," at this he was interrupted by the pregnant red head who gasped and then starting muttering curses under her breath.

"Ginny would you get us some tea please," Draco couldn't see the look on her face, but from Potter's response he could guess that it wasn't favorable.

"Please, I need to speak to Malfoy alone for a moment." She huffed and then he heard her as she waddled out of the door and down the stairs.

"Sit." It was not a request, and Draco complied. He sat back in one of the two leather chairs in front of the desk. "So you were with Hermione last night?"

"Yes."

"And…"

"…and she was not well,"

"So she is sick?"

"No."

"Then how is she not well?" He was a bit condescending, but what else could Draco expect, all things considered Potter was much calmer than Draco could have hoped for.

"She was crying, I mean really crying, I couldn't get her to stop until very early this morning."

"Why were you with her in the first place?" He had expected this, and still wasn't sure if he should tell Potter or not. Draco was thinking about avoiding that subject all together and making up some random tale, but when he saw the look in Potter's eyes, the look that told Draco that Potter knew exactly why he was there, Draco figured that there was no point in lying and it might hurt his cause even more.

"Because we have been sleeping together."

"More than once?"

"Yes." Draco nodded. "We have been sleeping together for a little over a month."

"Really?" Potter seemed genuinely shocked by this, but Draco didn't think it was because he was having sex with his best friend. "And do you do anything else together?"

Draco eyed him quizzically not sure where Potter was going with this.

"I mean, do you talk? Do you go out?"

"No, just sex, then she usually ignores me until I leave." He didn't know why he was being so honest with his old enemy, but he needed Potter to understand, to see that Draco wasn't trying to take advantage.

"So has she been crying a lot?"

"No, just last night. Then when she saw me this morning, well let's just say that her cursing has improved since school."

Potter chuckled at that, "Yes, it has a bit." The tension that had been in the room cleared and Draco let out a long breath in relief.

**

They obviously hadn't been expecting her, but what could they do, she saw him drinking his tea and there was no point in denying why he was there. The way that she spoke about him (as she didn't actually say anything to him) cut him to the quick. The hateful things that spewed forth from her mouth stung him with every insult.

When she left he followed shortly after, hoping to catch her at home and try to get her to go back to her friends. He went straight to her flat, and waited outside of her door, when she didn't come after five minutes he started banging on it. He banged so hard that his knuckles started to bleed and with each unanswered knock the ache for her increased. After an hour the tears started to fall, he couldn't contain them because he knew that if she wasn't there then she was out. If she was out then she was more than likely screwing someone else. The idea of someone else's hands on her body sickened him, his flesh was crawling at the thought and a horrible sadness like he had never felt before encased him.

He gave up his constant banging and knocking after noticing that his knuckles had started to bleed, and slouched to the floor in a heap, waiting for her to come home. When she did get there, he lacked all energy to move, all he had was the pleading in his eyes, the need for her and her mercy. For a moment he thought that he might have it, and when their hands touched he could feel her heat ripple through him, just as quickly she dropped his hand and slammed the door behind her, leaving him alone with his desperate desire.

**A/N: So a little bit longer of a chapter. Sorry it wasn't posted sooner, had to go and see my new nephew. He is major cuteness (totally gets that from me). Hope you enjoyed, thanks so much all for reading and reviewing.**


	7. Admitting You Have a Problem

She shut the door behind her, and heard a small thud as she imagined that his head went back to rest on the door. Hermione felt hopeless, she no longer had an escape from her pain, she no longer had any friends, and now she had Malfoy as a stalker. She knew that the last part should really upset her, but in fact that was the only comforting thing about this whole situation. Confusion swept through her brain as she tried to work out what in the world was going on with her.

One hot cup of tea and two biscuits later and she was still lost in her own thoughts. Hermione went to sit in her favorite chair in the living room and could hear his muffled sobs outside of her door as she passed. Pity overwhelmed her at the sound and she went back to the kitchen and poured out another cup of tea.

She opened the door and Malfoy, who had still been resting his head on it, fell back to the floor. She watched as he scrambled to get to his feet and when he finally managed she handed him the cup of tea and closed the door more gently this time.

_She crept silently down the stairs and as quietly as she could and gently pushed the door open. It squeaked as it swung into the kitchen and she winced slightly and waited for a second. When she didn't hear anything she went in. ___

_There was a lone candle lit on the back wall, just enough light to see to make a cup of tea, which it why she came down in the first place. Her dreams had been riddled with the horrors of the battle and she hadn't been sleeping well since. ___

_The kettle had just started to steam when she heard a shuffling in the corner. The tea cup that Hermione had just been holding fell to the floor with a small crash of breaking glass. There in a chair in the corner sat a dark figure. ___

_"Didn't mean to scare you," relief swept through her as she recognized his voice. ___

_"Then you probably shouldn't skulk in a dark corner… Couldn't sleep?" ___

_"No, you?" ___

_"No." The steam was billowing out of the spout as it blew against her skin. Hermione drawing her attention back to her task repaired the cup and poured herself some tea and then offered a glass to him. ___

_He moved over to the table and joined her as she sat down. They sat together in silence for a while each sipping their drinks. ___

_"So why didn't you say anything when you first saw me enter?" ___

_He stifled a chuckle and said, "because you looked so cute trying to sneak around." She could feel her cheeks getting hot, and not because of the tea. They spent the whole night there, talking together in the kitchen, never running out of things to say. Each soothing the others pain, guilt and fears._

She hadn't made a cup of tea for anyone else in a long time. It was such a small thing, but it added to her confusion and distress. Hermione's body reacted differently around Malfoy, her mind would shut off sometimes and she would run on instincts alone, it didn't happen every time, but enough to have her worried. She was always in control, she did nothing without thinking about it first, but that rule did not seem to apply to him.

Hermione would never have let another man come to her twice, let alone every night for over a month, and she would never make a cup of tea for anyone. Part of her wanted to let him in, to take him inside of her, to see if she could ascend into oblivion, but she made herself leave him there alone on the floor in front of her flat and tried to fall asleep.

**

_She was holding his hand, it was a beautiful day and they had decided to walk around the black lake, other students were out enjoying the sunshine, but none as much as they were. They stopped near a secluded spot behind a big boulder and started kissing, it started off slow and sweet but slowly progressed into a hunger that couldn't be sated. When they withdrew finally out of breath she realized that she was no longer kissing the tall red head but a platinum blond with steel grey eyes. _

**

Hermione awoke in a sweat, shocked by her subconscious, and by the feelings that had been ignited. She went to her bathroom and splashed cold water onto her face, when she looked into the mirror she was disgusted by what she saw, hollow brown eyes looked back at her, and it frightened her to see what she had become. Every time she looked at her self this was the reaction that she got, she just didn't know how to change, how to cope with her ever present pain.

She expected to find her tea cup sitting outside of her door, she figured since she was up she might as well grab it before a neighbor saw. When she opened the door she was greeted by the image of Malfoy, sleeping and curled up into a ball in front of her flat, tea cup held tightly in his right hand.

Hermione knelt down and gently stroked his blond hair away from his face. Though her fingers had run through his hair countless times she had never noticed how soft it was. He stirred slightly but did not waken. His eyes were swollen and there were still traces of blood caked on his knuckles. She could not understand his reaction to her, she was Hermione Granger for Merlin's sake, he was a Malfoy, but watching this broken figure sleeping on her doorstep made her question what that even meant anymore.

She was no longer Hermione Granger, not the one that he went to school with, she was something different, something worse. Who was she to judge what he had once been, look at what she had become. She was no less broken then he looked, in fact she was more and she knew it, she just didn't know how to fix it and a part of her didn't want to.

Draco could feel light shining brightly on his face, finding it difficult to open his eyes as they were caked in crust from his crying the night before. He fingered away the flakes of dried tears and took a look around. It didn't take long for him to realize that he was in her flat, not just because he could now see everything but also because he could smell her scent on the pillow that was propped under his head. He buried his face in the soft cushion, breathing in deeply. Draco was unable to suppress a smile from forming on his lips.

He rose from the couch and stretched his arms high above his head, working out all of the cramping that had occurred in his muscles from the night before. Barefoot he trod across the hardwood floor and down the hall to her bedroom. The door was closed and he hesitated for a moment before deciding to knock. At first he knocked softly but when there was no answer he knocked again a bit louder this time. When Draco still got no response he slowly turned the knob and cracked the door open, he could only see a little bit into the room, but upon noticing that the bed was made he opened the door all the way.

Draco did a quick glance around and noticed that the room was practically bare. There was furniture, linens in a neutral beige color, but nothing personal. Nothing to show what her interests were, no mementos from her past, not even a picture or two.

He had never been in her apartment without her, or for very long even with her, so he took this time to look around the place, trying to gather any little piece of information or insight into who Hermione Granger had become. His obsession with her bothered him, not so much because it was with Granger, though he wasn't thrilled about that either, but because he really didn't know anything about who she was, not now. He couldn't get any hint of the person that she had become.

Obviously Granger had changed over the years, more drastically then he would have ever guessed, but there wasn't a book to be found anywhere. What had happened to her? What had made her into the closed off ice queen? Even when they had been enemies he could always see the fire in her, especially when that fire was aimed at him in the form of a slap or hex.

Draco, feeling a sense of loss that he couldn't explain, went into the kitchen to get something to drink. There on the counter was a piece of parchment with small neat handwriting.

Draco had never seen her handwriting before, but could see how much it said about her. Every letter was precise and perfect, as if traced from a book, it was so fitting to the girl that he knew from school and he couldn't believe that this woman he had been sleeping with was ever that bossy know it all, but here it was in her handwriting. This was proof that that girl did exist, somewhere inside of her, and he was surprised to find that he was glad. Glad that the Granger of his past hadn't been completely erased.

The note, which was short, read:

_Went to work_

No hint to him if he should stay or go, not that she would ever have asked him to stay, the mere fact that she had brought him in last night was miracle enough. At her obvious coldness Draco felt a sudden urge to get out, to leave and not come back. He felt that he had gotten himself in way to deep and he needed time to think. He didn't know anything about this girl, and everything that he thought he did know was no longer applicable. He couldn't possibly feel anything this strongly for someone that was practically a stranger in every way but one. So with a determination to rid her from his system Draco left with the plans never to return.

When Hermione came home from work she walked into her flat hesitantly, not sure what to expect. She didn't know if he would have left or not, and she was partly relieved and partly sad to find him not there. A small bit of her wanted, no needed, him to be there, but the rest of her was filled with grief for that need. She scolded herself for wanting him there at all, just as she had been scolding herself all day for letting him sleep there in the first place. She had been weak, a feeling that she had been having a lot lately. Her dependence on him was starting to scare her and so when he wasn't there when she got home she made the choice to let him go. She would no longer need him, she couldn't need anyone. This was how it had to be, and by him not being there he had made it much easier for her to make the decision that she knew she would have had to make eventually.

_She traced her fingers gently along his jaw as he slept. Sometimes she would wake up early just so that she could look at him in the quiet of the morning. She had even gone so far as to name some of the freckles on his face. There was Lenny, the dark one right next to his lip, Joshua, was the one closest to his right eye and Arnold, was the one that started the trail of freckles down his jaw that she was now going over with her fingers. ___

_It was a silly little game of hers, she didn't even know how it had started, but each freckle on his face made her smile in a different way. Sometimes when she would look at him her breath would hitch in her chest and she would wonder how she got so lucky as to have him choose her. She did not know what she would do without him and was so happy to know that the war was over and she needn't worry about losing him anymore._

**A/N: So that was chapter seven. How did you like the double dose of memory? I know that there is no dialgue here, do you hate it? Is it okay? Please advise. Of course thank you to all who have read and special thanks to those who have reviewed. **


	8. Withdrawl

**Disclaimer: **I am not JKR therefore I do not own anything other than the plot.

Draco lay on his bed shaking, sweat dampening his sheets. He hadn't been able to sleep in days and his body felt weak from the lack of rest as well as lack of food. Every time he tried to eat something his stomach would turn and he couldn't be bothered to get it down. He would try to block her out of his mind, but her image would just push back all the harder, not letting him have a moment of respite.

Whatever was happening to him scared him. This was a loss of control like he had never felt before and he found himself mumbling things that even he didn't understand. He had been trying so hard to fight against it, but he was losing the battle within himself. Just one moment, that was all he needed, he would be fine if he could just touch her once more. There had been no real good-bye and what if his abandonment of her left her worse off than she was before. He couldn't do that to her, she might need him.

With the thought of her alone, or even worse with someone else, invading his mind he was able to rise from his matted down bed. The renewed energy coursed through him and with the thought of her glorious face in his mind Draco apparated into the night.

She had been having a terrible week in which she spent most of her time avoiding Harry or Ginny who seemed to try and corner her at every possible moment. Harry would come to her office at all times of the day while Ginny would floo her at all times of the evening. Her only reprieve was when she would go out, but even then she wasn't able to find the relief that she so craved.

Just like the night that she had been confronted by Harry, Ginny and Malfoy she was not able to gain anything from her little encounters, in fact every time it became harder and harder until her last time where she quite literally got sick. She had felt that sickness before, on the night where Malfoy had come late, but this was worse, much, much worse.

Hermione could feel herself breaking down, the mask that she had held in place for so long slowly slipping down her face. She could see it in the eyes of her co workers as they gave her their sidelong glances when she walked by. She could sense it in herself whenever she looked in the mirror only to see that the collected exterior that she had spent years to perfect no longer was in place.

Her eyes were bloodshot, her hair was bushier than she ever remembered it and she found that one day she had shown up with two different shoes on her feet. Her assistant had tried to ask her if everything was okay, to which she got a curse thrown in her direction. Hermione felt a tiny twinge of guilt after, as Sarena had always been a very good assistant, but she couldn't control herself anymore.

How could she have let it get this far. How could Malfoy's absence have so much of an effect on her? She had made sure not to get attached, it had just been sex, right? Never any personal information shared or friendly banter exchanged. What was happening to her? Hermione was resolved to stop this madness that was beginning to take over.

So, she shoved any feeling of regret back into the locked place in her heart and with steely determination to forget about him for good went about getting dinner ready. It was then that she heard a knock on her door. Her face took on the mask like smile and she braced herself against any thoughts of letting Malfoy in, but when she opened the door it was not Malfoy looking back at her, but a familiar red head.

He couldn't take it anymore, he had to see her. He went straight to her flat with no hesitation, she would let him in, she had to. He knocked forcefully on the door and heard as her footsteps came closer from the other side. The door opened only a crack and Granger's eye peaked out, there was a moment where Draco thought he saw it twinkle at the sight of him, but it must have been his imagination because not a moment later and there was fierce anger.

"What do you want?" she said as she opened the door a little more to get a better look at him.

Desperately he answered, "to see you."

"Well, you've seen me, now go." Her voice was hard and unwavering, he knew that it wouldn't be easy, it never had been with her, but he had hoped.

"Who is it Hermione?" Draco heard a voice call from inside, rage coursed through him and shook him to the core. He pushed his way past her to see a man sitting on one of her chairs facing the other way. He didn't need to see his face to know who it was; the shock of red hair gave it away in that moment.

Then a stinging sensation went through him and he found himself being shoved back out of her flat.

"What do you think you are doing?" She hissed.

"What is he doing here?" Draco countered.

"Whatever he wants. Now I suggest you leave before he see's you," and with that she closed the door firmly in his face.

Draco stood there for a moment stunned. A guy in her flat was strange enough as she usually seemed to prefer pubs or alley's, but Weasel. Sure he had been her friend all through school, and even though he had never seen them together everyone knew that there had been something between the two of them. Draco didn't know why he hadn't figured that the Weasel might still be in the picture. He guessed it was because of the way that she didn't seem to be connected to her past at all. He was going to lose her, he knew it. How was he going to be able to compete with the Weasel King in winning Granger? He had to grudgingly admit that it would be impossible, 14 years of friendship and possibly more against 14 years of animosity and a month of sex, no competition, he would not be able to win.

His head hung down in defeat as he walked away from her flat. When he entered the open air of the cool night Draco had no sense of where he was going. His feet led him and he followed dutifully, not wanting to apparate but to walk as if his life depended on the up and down movement of his feet. The energy that he had rallied in order to get to her place was gone and replaced with a darkness that threatened to consume him.

"So who was that?"

"No one." He raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything more. "What are you doing here?"

"What? I can't come by to check on you?"

"No. Especially since I know that Ginny sent you."

"So what if she did?"

"Please leave."

"No, not until you tell me why my sister came to me crying."

"I don't know, she's probably hormonal. It's nothing to do with me." He rose from the chair and clasped her by the arms. "Hermione you have to snap out of this, you have to let us back in?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, but I suggest you leave, NOW!" She shrugged out of his grasp and walked over to the window, she hugged herself as she watched the wind blow through the tree that stood in front of her building.

"Hermione, I know what you have been going through, please let me help."

"You have no clue what I am going through and I do not need any help. Now, for the last time GET OUT!" Hermione dropped her arms and clenched her fists, waiting for him to continue to press his suit. She just needed one more word and he would have been hexed beyond recognition, but he said nothing.

Her gaze focused on the branches moving listlessly in the breeze. The rhythmic movement had a hypnotic effect; she didn't spot the dark figure with the white blond head walking dejectedly across the street, she hadn't noticed the sound of the heavy footsteps or the door closing, but she knew unequivocally that she was alone.

**A/N: So chapter 8, what do you think? I know that there wasn't a memory in this one, but I hope that the action made up for it. I also hope that you are now even more curious about what in the world is going on. I would love to hear theories. I also would love to know how it flows without the memory. **

**Thanks so much to all who have reviewed. Your wonderful words have been so kind. I love the feedback so keep it coming!**


	9. Distractions

Draco, in a drunken haze, made his way back to his flat. He stumbled into his apartment and fell onto his couch where he quickly passed out. He was awoken the next morning by a throbbing in his head equal to that in his heart. Not able to withstand the pain he crawled towards the toilet and proceeded to vomit up his stomach lining as he had nothing else in there. He lay on the bathroom floor with the tile cooling his face and thought. He thought about last night and all the nights before. He though about the way that she smelled, kissed, tasted and how he would never get to feel her again.

He slowly moved into the shower and let the warm water rush down upon him as he sat in the tub. His tears mixed with the droplets, and only because he could taste the salt on his lip, did he know that he was crying. Hopelessness consumed him and he no longer had any will to fight it back. The water turned cold but he didn't even notice until his body started to shiver. Draco stayed on the floor of his bathtub for a little while longer, teeth chattering, until he finally found enough energy to shut the water off and wrap himself in a towel.

His head still throbbing in tune with his heart he went to his bedroom where he surrounded himself up in his feather comforter and fell into a deep sleep.

**

_He was engulfed in darkness, suffocating him from all sides. His arms reached out, grasping for anything to hold on to. He could feel his legs getting weaker, so weak that he could no longer hold himself upright. He fell to his knees and groped the ground, trying to hold on as if his life depended on it. He sprawled out on the floor of the dark room, wanting every inch of his body to be touching the ground, it was the only thing that made him feel the slightest bit safe. He crawled forward on his belly, hoping to bump into something but never finding anything.___

_He must have been crawling for hours, his muscles ached and his throat was dry, when he saw in the distance a faint glow. It was far away from the look of it, but the pinprick of light guided him forward. The light was so bright in the darkness that it hurt to look at it so he turned his head to the side, only checking back to make sure it was still there every so often___

_The light came upon him faster than he would have expected and he was on the floor in front of it in mere moments. Afraid to look up but more afraid not to he lifted his weary head and took in the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. It was her, surrounded in a white glow, hair flowing freely around her, her eyes full of sadness. She reached down to him and grazed his cheek with her luminescent fingers; he could feel the trail of her fingers long after they had left his face. A lone tear fell down her cheek and landed on his nose; spreading warmth throughout his entire body.___

_She grabbed his hands and her fingers intertwined with his own. When he looked at their joined hands he noticed that his hand was glowing as well. She raised him up from the floor and they stood face to face. The darkness fell from around them and was replaced with what he could only describe as hope. She leaned her face in to his, their lips mere centimeters apart and with a jolt that ran through his entire body, they kissed.___

_**_  
Draco shot up in bed, savoring the kiss from his dream. It had felt so real, more like a vision than a dream. Hope beat through his veins, beating out all sense of despair. He would win her, no matter who he was against. He couldn't just give up, he was Draco Malfoy, and he would prevail.

_  
_A fresh new wave of guilt engulfed Hermione after the red head left; along with a desperate desire for Malfoy to come back, but he didn't. After her surprise visit she stayed in seclusion. It didn't take much to convince her boss that she needed some time off, in fact he seemed relieved that she had suggested it.

She remained locked in her room, curled up on her bed, getting up only to pee and for an occasional biscuit. Her hair was greasy, her legs hairy and she could even smell her own stink, had she been in any other state of mind she would have been disgusted by herself.

There was a light knock on her door, and not even thinking about her appearance she went to answer it, still wearing the sweats that she had donned two nights before.

Hermione opened the door a crack, just enough to see who her visitor might be, there was no one there. She pulled the door open a little more and noticed a package wrapped in brown paper lying on her doormat.

There was a note scrawled on the top in unfamiliar handwriting:

_For your new collection_  
'For my new collection of what?' She wasn't collecting anything. She went to her room and grabbed her wand from her nightstand. A few spells later and she felt safe enough to bring the package inside. She unwrapped it slowly, careful not to tear the paper.

Hermione pulled out a leather bound copy of _Hogwarts: A History_ and thumbed the spine. It had gold filigree writing, and a drawing etched into the leather. When she opened it she saw that there was a handwritten introduction. It was definitely much more money than anyone had ever spent on her, but she smiled as her fingers traced the etching on the cover.

She started reading it immediately, not even waiting to get to her couch. She immersed herself in the ever memorized history of her alma mater. Every page brought her new joy and memories of her childhood. It was such an innocent time in her life when she first picked up a copy of this book and took it to memory.

When she had finished reading the book in its entirety a cold chill went through her and it felt like an icy hand had just grabbed a hold of her ever aching heart. It was wonderful to lose herself in such happy memories, but all that it did would bring back the other kind; the memories that haunted her every hour of every day. As the hand squeezed tighter the ache folded in on her, crushing her from all angles.

__

_She rubbed her small hands over her belly, trying desperately to feel the bump that she knew would be growing. He looked at her with pure joy in his eyes as his hands followed hers down her front and she giggled at his touch.___

_"Does that tickle?" He asked playfully as he continued to run his hands over her belly moving them to her sides.___

_"No, please stop," she insisted as she squirmed on their bed, trying to push his hands away.___

_"Why? It's fun to watch you wriggle," his hands groping now as she tried hard to stifle her laughter. They rolled around and she maneuvered her way on top of him. Now it was her turn and she knew just the spot. Her fingers worked their way diligently to under his arm as he squealed beneath her.___

_"How do you like that, huh?"___

_"No, no, please stop." His legs jerked wildly underneath her as his face turned a familiar crimson. She relaxed her fingers and brushed them slowly down his chest, brushing one underneath the hem of his shirt. It grazed his skin ever so slightly and he shivered beneath her, this time from desire.___

_She moved her head down to place a gentle kiss on his lips. He pulled her closer and whispered softly in her ear, "you are going to make one hell of a sexy mum."__  
_

_  
_Hermione placed _Hogwarts: A History_ on the mantle of her fire place, as she had no bookshelves, and went back to her hideaway, curled under her blankets, and fell back into her usual dreamless, joyless, sleep.

She was jerked awake by knocking on her door. "What now?" she groaned as she stomped to the front door. Not even caring about who it might be she opened the door fully and took in another package wrapped in the same brown paper. The same note as before inked on it in that precise penmanship of yesterday.

Hermione was less careful with the opening of the package this time and ripped right through the paper. It was The _Art of Arithmancy_ by Griselda Numerino, only ten were known to be in print, she had heard about this book in school, but never in her dreams would she ever think that she could own it, Hogwarts didn't even have a copy. There would be no memories attached to this book, nothing to awaken the darkness that forever threatened to take over her entirely.

With a much lighter heart she again immersed herself in the joys of reading_. _


	10. Consideration and Incubation

**Disclaimer: **I am pretty sure JKR would never write anything like this about Hermione, so therefore I am not her, hence I don't own anything but this crazy plot.

Draco had dropped off a book every day that week, every book chosen with care and the thought of what he suspected where her tastes in mind. He may not know who she was now, but he remembered enough about her from their school days that he felt confident that his books would not go unappreciated; and he was right.

He did not allow himself to get too near her, not wanting to take risk that he would not be able to control himself once her scent permeated the air, but he did walk down her street every day and through a very simple spell was able to see her through her window curled up on her couch reading the book that he had dropped off that morning. It would bring a smile to his lips to watch as she would stare down at one of his books with such intensity. Her fingers absentmindedly twirling her hair, her lips curled up into a half smile of concentration. He studied every expression that she would make from curiosity, to joy, to sadness, and of course rapt interest.

Draco went to her place the same time as always, holding a brown package in his hands, he knocked lightly on the door. The door opened before he even got a chance to finish his third rap; she had been obviously waiting for his knock. Granger stood there curiously eyeing the package he was holding.

He hadn't planned on seeing her again this soon and had no idea what he was going to do now, so instead of following his head and turning around to leave as he had every day before that, he decided to stay.

"Er…can I come in?" She stood aside to let him enter her flat as her eyes trailed his every movement. Draco placed the package on one of her end tables and as soon as it was out of his hands she rushed forward and tore at the paper.

Draco watched on, pleased with her reaction of covetous rapture. It was the best book yet; a first edition, hand painted, leather bound copy of Jane Austen's _Pride and Prejudice_. He smirked as he watched her run her fingers along the cover, opening the book to the first page and taking in the aroma of the old paper. She seemed to have forgotten that he was standing there because she then proceeded to her normal spot on the couch and started reading.

"Ahem," Draco cleared his throat.

Granger looked up at him, obviously startled to see that he was still in her flat. Her eyes narrowed, "Can I help you?"

After seeing her reaction to his gift he had expected a little more civility from her and wasn't sure how to respond at first. After a couple of moments he finally said, "…a 'thanks' would be nice."

"Oh, yeah, thanks then," she flipped her hand lightly in the air she turned her attention back to the book. Draco, not one to be deterred, went and sat down on the other end of the couch. Granger still did not look up at him, he used this time to soak in her beauty, taking in the tiniest gesture and filing it away for when he found himself without her. His eyes followed her legs, which were curled up underneath her as she leaned on the side of the couch, down to her tiny feet.

After battling with himself he moved his hand gently towards her little toes and started to trail his hand up her feet. The feel of her skin after all of those days apart was wonderful, it was like touching silk after years of only touching wool. He was so engrossed in his hand moving across her skin that it took him a while to notice that she was now staring at him.

Their eyes met and his heart rate soared. It took all of his self possession not to take her right then, especially after she wet her lips slowly with her tongue. He had to readjust his robes slightly to try and hide the growing bulge in his pants and turned his eyes away to focus instead on her growing book collection that ran along the top of her mantel.

"Can I help you?" This time when she said it, it sounded like an invitation. Draco gulped and removed his hand from her foot and grabbed on tightly to his other hand. Staring straight ahead at the mantel in front of him he gathered his thoughts.

"I thought that maybe we should talk."

He dared a glance in her direction and saw that she wore a curious expression, replacing the desire that he had seen just moments before.

"You want to talk? Why?"

_Why?_ He hadn't really thought this through. Why did he want to talk? Because he wanted to get to know her. He couldn't very well say that. She wouldn't believe him anyway, hell he could barely believe it himself.

"I…I wanted to know what you thought about my gifts." Not quite what he wanted to say but maybe it would help to break the ice.

Her eyes glazed over as she looked over to her mantle, "they're great." She shook her head slightly and the glazed look disappeared.

"Yeah?" Draco couldn't hide the insecurity from his voice.

She looked back towards him and nodded her head slowly, "yeah," she said so quietly that Draco wasn't sure if he heard her correctly or if it was just a sigh.

He tried to think of something else to say, anything to break the tension, but words wouldn't come. Thankfully he was saved the task when Granger began the conversation again.

"Where did you get them?" She was genuinely curious and her eyes shone with a gleam of interest. Draco explained all of the different places that he had gone to get the books, and Granger listened with rapt attention. She seemed especially interested in his story of how he was able to attain the Jane Austen novel.

He regaled her of the tale of the muggle book store owner that he had had to deal with when obtaining that specific book; the man had been loath to part with that particular copy, but after a round at the pub and a rousing game of scrabble, in which Draco had to try not to use any wizarding words, he was able to get the book at a ridiculously high price.

She never cracked a smile, but he could see the laughter hiding behind her chocolate eyes. She even made a few comments here and there which emboldened him to add a few erroneous details to his story, just to entertain and try and get her to speak more. Their conversation was stilted and he could tell that she was wary of his intentions, but he plowed on, trying to make her feel as much at ease speaking with him as she was in sleeping with him.

They didn't talk for long, twenty maybe thirty minutes at the most, but she hadn't thrown him out, in fact he was the one to end their pleasantries and leave. He wouldn't have been able to last much longer without taking it too far and also Draco knew that he would not be able to bombard her with his presence all in one day, that this process to open her up would take time, time which he was more than willing to give, even if it caused him a bit of minor torture to himself. It had been a struggle to not grab her and kiss her, but he was proud of himself and left her flat with a huge grin on his face.

It had been the oddest day; she was so excited by her new book that she had forgotten about his presence entirely. It was the best gift he could have given. That it had been Malfoy bringing her those gifts she had no doubt, who else could afford such costly presents. She figured that she could just catch him in the act of dropping off her gift, just to prove her suspicions correct, and then he would want to leave as he had done all of those other days.

When he stayed and then didn't try to sleep with her she was intrigued by what he could have possibly wanted. She assumed the gifts were his way of trying to get back in her good graces so that he could get back into her bed, or in their case, anything other than the bed, but she had made her desire obvious and he had turned away from it, wanting to 'talk' instead.

Hermione hadn't had a real conversation in a while, sure she play acted at work with people, but they only ever spoke about work, and Hermione would cut those conversations as short as she could. This was different, even though it was not a deep conversation it was interesting, and she delighted in his tale of the muggle book store owner, shocked that he would ever deign to ever enter such a place, and for her.  
Then he was gone, and he left her with a strange desire to talk with him again.

He stomped the door with his foot as the cardboard tray, held precariously in his left hand, wobbled. She hadn't been waiting by the door this time, and he was finally greeted with the sight of her, not in her sweats, but a proper outfit. Draco lifted his arms in offering.

"Breakfast?"

She opened the door wider to allow him entrance and he went straight for the kitchen table. After putting down the tray of drinks and the rather cumbersome brown paper bag that he had been holding, Draco sat down.

Hermione, who had followed him into the kitchen gave the tray of drinks a curious stare. Before letting her ask the question that he saw in her eyes, Draco said, "I didn't know what you fancied, so I got an assortment." She peeked over at the tray of drinks, trying to decipher through their lids what could be inside.

"That ones regular coffee, that one's decaff, the one back there is tea, and the last one is orange juice."

"And in the bag?"

"Ah yes, the bag," he shot her his sexiest smirk, "that is the best part."

She reached for the bag, but Draco grabbed her by the wrist before she could take a peek.  
"Uh-uh. Not yet. Choose your drink of choice first." She took only a moment to decide on the regular coffee. "Sit." Draco ordered and surprisingly she obeyed.

He put his hand in the bag and brought out a rather large muffin. It was as big as a dinner plate, with crumbles of brown sugar on top. Hermione eyed the muffin with part incredulity and part scorn. She had obviously been expecting something else.

"Just taste it." Again she obeyed and with her thumb and pointer finger pinched a bit off of the top of the muffin. Draco watched her as she closed her eyes, taking in the taste of the treat. She chewed slowly, savoring every bite, and moaning in pure delight at the taste of it.

At the sound of her moan Draco felt a shiver of desire creep up his spine and he gripped the back of the chair, knuckles turning white. "I take it you like it then?" He managed to choke out.

Her eyes fluttered open and he could see his own desire mirrored in them. Draco quickly looked away.

"Where did you get it?"

"A pastry shop near where I used to live."

"And where was that?"

"In a muggle part of London , by Kings Cross."

She started to laugh, but because she had just put another piece of muffin in her mouth, she ended up choking instead. She coughed, laughed, and coughed some more. Her face was turning red, but Draco couldn't tell if it was from the coughing or the laughing. He moved his chair closer and patted her back while Hermione tried to collect herself.

Finally she was able to get out, "_You_ lived in a muggle part of London ?"

"Well I wasn't allowed to do magic, and was ousted from the wizarding community as you should know"

"No actually, I don't, why?"

"Yes, you do. Potter was there, at the trial. He testified against me."

Realization dawned on her face, "Oh, yes, the trial. Sorry I guess I forgot." She shrugged.

"Nice for you isn't it?"

"Well I had other things going on _Malfoy_, and you were the last on my list of concerns."  
Ouch. He drew back at her barb. Draco didn't know why it hurt him so much, it wasn't like they were on friendly terms then, but it stung just the same.

"Harry didn't testify against you, you know."

"I was there Granger, I heard what he told them."

"You mean the truth. What was he supposed to do lie for you? Really? He went hoping that his testimony would help you, and it did."

"Oh, yeah, it helped me loads. I got five years of no magic, I got ostracized by the entire wizarding community. Great guy that Potter."

"Well they were talking about throwing you straight into Azkaban. You had the mark, Harry was the one to tell them about how you didn't want to recognize us at the manor and how you tried to stop Crabbe from killing us. They weren't even going to give you a trial until Harry made them."

Draco bit his tongue, he couldn't believe it. Potter had gone to bat for him? He had long ago gotten over his childhood hatred for the Boy-Who-Lived, but deep down resentment had still festered. Now he didn't know what to think. Was Potter really so good that he would have tried to help him, Draco Malfoy, the boy who tormented him throughout school? It was beyond any reasoning that Draco could understand, him being a selfish being most of his life. He was broken from his reverie by Grangers voice.

"So, how did you like being a muggle?"

"It was bloody awful at first," and he thought hard about his next words before speaking them, "but then I met _someone _and it got better."

"You met _someone_?"

Draco's countenance darkened, he hadn't really talked about her, not since the break-up, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to start now. Granger brushed her fingers along the top of his and he realized that if he wanted her to open up then he would have to as well.

"Yes, her name was Sarah, she was of course a muggle."

"So what happened?" She pulled her hand away to take another bite of the muffin.

"We broke it off."

She rolled her eyes, "well obviously, but why?"

Draco ran his fingers through his hair and his eyes blurred out of focus, "because she cheated on me."

There was a small smile on her face that began to infuriate him; Granger thought his pain was funny. What was he thinking? Hermione Granger would never be able to care for him. A weeks worth of gifts was not going to change that. Instead of feeling the despair that he knew would come with this realization, Draco turned to anger.

"That's funny to you is it?" He snapped at her. It was the meanest he had been to her since they had re met again in the pub.

The smile that had been playing on her face immediately disappeared. "Not funny, just interesting."

Draco scowled as he rose from the chair. He needed to get out of here, he needed to think, but before he could make it to the door he felt tiny fingers clasp his hand. All thought of leaving immediately left his head at the familiar feel of her skin against his own.

"Stay." There was no pleading in her voice, but underneath the calm request he felt a sense of desperation that he had not heard from her before.

They stood in her entranceway for a moment, holding hands, gazing into each other's eyes. He looked intently, hoping to find something in them that had been missing all this time, looking for more than just desire, or pain. He searched her pleading gaze for minutes, not finding anything new, but just as he was about to turn his head away he saw it. Tenderness, he must have shown some sort of recognition of the strange emotion because then it turned to fear. Draco couldn't understand it, why would she be afraid, of him?

He pulled her body towards him, wrapping her up in a warm embrace. Her arms slowly wound their way around his torso, as his one hand rubbed her back slowly and the other held her head to his chest. He leaned in and took in a large whiff of her hair; her scent wrapped itself around him almost as fully as his arms had encased her. His longing for her became almost unbearable, and a few more minutes in her embrace and he knew his determination would fail. With a great amount of effort he broke apart from her grasping arms.

**A/N: Hey, so that was chapter ten. It is much more dialogue than normal, is it awkward? Is it good? Is it awful... either way I want to hear so I can improve :) Thanks to all of you who have been reading, favoriting and reviewing.**


	11. Facing Crimes

Hermione didn't understand what her connection to Malfoy was. She didn't get what kept him coming back to her. The fact that he was obviously trying not to sleep with her confused her even more. If he wasn't coming over for the sex, what was he coming over for, and why did she want, no need, him to stay so badly? Hermione was starting to become afraid, afraid of what was developing between them. It had taken her so long to get her life back to some semblance of order, she had worked so hard to not let anyone get close enough to hurt her, but Malfoy had found a way to slip through the chinks in her well made armor.

She felt his strong arms long after he had moved away from her. There was so much about him that she didn't know, so many preconceived notions that no longer applied to the man standing in her flat. He not only had lived in the muggle world, but he had dated, and probably been in love with a muggle. A muggle who had in turn broken his heart and if anyone knew what a broken heart was it was definitely Hermione, for her heart had not only been broken, but shattered into the tiniest of pieces.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to him.

He nodded in understanding and took his place back at the table in the kitchen.  
"So, why didn't you come back after your five years were up?"

"Sarah didn't know anything about my being a wizard, and I didn't want her to. It was easy to live without magic when she was around." He grimaced.

"You would have given it up forever?"

"No, probably not, but it didn't matter to me as much then, maybe a few years down the road, after we had been married for a bit…"

"And you can't forgive her?" She waited for his answer with bated breath.

"I could have, maybe, but she didn't want my forgiveness."

Hermione didn't know what to say. He had given his love and then been denied. It couldn't have been easy for someone like him to cope with. She felt she better understood his need for her. To relieve the tension in the air she decided to change the subject all together and instead asked him questions about how he found the muggle world. His face considerably brightened at the change in topic and their conversation flowed smoothly on into the afternoon and through the evening. He left her just after dinner time, with not even a peck on the cheek, but she felt warmer than she had during all of her previous male encounters combined.

**

He came over every day that week; minus their little hiccup in conversation from the day of the muffin everything went pretty much the same. She found that they had a lot to talk about, Malfoy knew much more than she had ever given him credit for. Sure she knew he was smart, he had always been her competition in school, especially in potions, but she had never realized how smart. The week flew by in a haze of animated conversation and new surprises every day. He continued to add to her book collection, bringing her books that ranged not only in genre but between muggle and wizarding books as well.

When he left in the evenings she would then spend her time focused on the gift of the day and her days passed in, if not complete happiness, at least contentment. The week drew to a close with the decision that she would soon have to get back to work; it had been over two weeks. Hermione was loath to break up this tranquil time that she had come to appreciate with Malfoy, but she couldn't live forever in this cocoon that she had made for herself.

There was a knock on her door and Hermione had to force herself not to rush to open it. She slowly made her way over to the door and unlocked it. She was greeted not by the blond head that she had been expecting, but by messy dark hair instead. Harry's bright green eyes bored into her, and even though he didn't say anything a wave of guilt crashed over her.

She led him to her living room and they sat opposite each other, neither one speaking. Hermione found that she couldn't stop herself from glancing at the door every couple of minutes, as if she was expecting something amazing from it; she sort of was.

"He's not coming today."

"Wha…who's not coming?" Hermione started to pick at her fingernail.

"Malfoy."

Her head shot up, "Well of coarse not, why would he be coming here of all places?"

Harry sighed, "So, it's going to be like that?"

"Like what?"

"Hermione, I know what's been going on with you and Malfoy. You don't have to hide it from me."

"There is nothing going on, I don't know what you are talking about."

"Come on, stop playing innocent with me. I have known this whole time. In fact I have known about every time almost, and I am not just talking about Malfoy."

Hermione's façade faltered, "e-every-every time?"

"Yes."

"Have you been following me?"

Harry was beginning to fidget, "Yes."

Heat coursed through her veins as her anger made its way to the surface. "YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING ME? WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHAT I GET UP TO. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" She would have gone on but then she felt something shoot at her chest and she sat there stunned and immovable.

"Now you listen to me Hermione. I am your friend, or at least I have been trying to be, but you are not making it easy on me; or anyone else for that matter. Yes, I have been following you; I've been worried about you, and with good reason. Look at what you have been doing to yourself." he waved a hand in her direction, "Look at what you are doing to me, to Gin, to everyone. Do you have any idea how hard it has been for me to sit back and not do anything while I watch as my best friend slips away slowly into a hole of nothingness? I have waited for you to snap out of this on your own. I have watched, hoping that you would be able to recover from this self inflicted hell you have been in."

Tears welled behind her eyes, her body still sat stiff on the couch, the body bind curse as strong as when it was cast.

"I didn't come here to argue with you. I came here to tell you that Malfoy wouldn't be able to come tonight." Her eyes were questioning, and as that was all she could use to express herself, she was glad to see that Harry got it. "He asked me to come by and tell you. He's been offered a job in Muggle relations. There is a training weekend that he had to attend in Scotland ."

She felt her muscles relax as Harry lifted the body bind curse. The fight that had been in her was gone. "Muggle Relations?" She asked quietly.

"Yes, apparently the night before he came to see me about you he met with Kingsley and inquired after a position in that department. It's taken a while to convince the department head to let him work there. I had to pull a few strings."

"You, but why would you?"

"Like I told you before, I no longer hate Malfoy. That was all a long time ago. Besides, how can I not help the one person who so obviously matters to you."

"No he doesn't" she tried to make her voice sound convincing, even if she was only trying to convince herself.

"Yes, I think he does. And I know that you matter to him."

"I don't know why."

He looked at her archly, "Does it matter why? It's about time you let yourself care for someone again. Even if it is Malfoy."

"I thought you said you didn't hate him?" Her eyes were pleading, and no matter how hard she tried to become the cool detached person that she had been for so long, she wasn't able to tonight.

"And I don't, but I doubt I will think anyone is good enough for you."

"You used to," A tear slid down her cheek.

Harry was up and hugging her as soon as the words left her mouth. She didn't melt into his embrace, but she didn't push him away like she had done so many times in the past. They sat there like that for a while, but Hermione finally was able to gather herself together and she moved Harry's arms from around her.

"How can I do this? I can't be with Malfoy? No matter how much he has changed, I know that it would break _his_ heart."

Harry gently pushed her hair back behind her ears and looked straight into her eyes. "It might have, but I think that all he would want now was for you to be happy, and for some reason Malfoy seems to be the one person that might be able to do that for you."

Hermione slowly nodded her head but didn't say a word. Harry took a package from his robes and handed to it her. "Here, he also asked me to give this to you." Brown paper wrapped around what Hermione knew to be a book, _For your collection_, written across the top in Malfoy's now familiar scrawl.

Hermione opened the package to see yet another amazing book, she didn't hear her door close, and didn't realize that she had been left alone until well into the fifth chapter. A small smile crept its way across her face as she continued to lose herself in the book of the day.

**A/N: So last chapter was mostly Draco, so I hope the nice Hermione time is well received. I hope some questions have been answered (like where Draco was the night he was late, and why Harry seemed to be so calm while talking to Draco. As always thank you so much for reading and to those lovely, lovely people who have been reviewing you have no idea how much it means to me! I love feedback, even the not as positive kind. :)**


	12. Fighting the Temptation

He was just about to leave for Grangers place when a large barn owl came, tapping at his window. He opened the window and quickly removed the scroll with the Ministry of Magic's seal from the owl's outstretched leg. He tore through the seal and opened to read the official letter.

**Mr. Draco Malfoy, ******

**Because of your wonderful recommendation from Mr. Harry Potter I am writing to extend to you the offer for the position of the assistant to the director of Muggle Relations. You will be required to attend a weekend seminar with the rest of the department. Please be ready to go by 9:30 this morning, an escort will be meeting you in the lobby of the ministry 5 minutes before departure time. ******

**Sincerely, ******

**Grady Cornwallace ****  
****Head of Muggle Relations**

That gave him fifteen minutes to get there. Draco had applied for the job weeks ago, in fact that was the reason he had been late the night that Granger had her breakdown. He hadn't thought that there was much of a chance of his getting the job so he never even thought about bringing it up to her.

What would she do if he never showed at all? He couldn't even think about the repercussions of that. He also couldn't not go, part of the reason that he had even tried for this job was to find some way to prove himself worthy of Granger. He grabbed at his hair in frustration. It was a lose, lose situation.

Then for some reason Potter came to mind. He had given Draco a recommendation, maybe he would be willing to help him with Granger as well. Draco quickly got some things together, along with that day's gift and apparated in front of the visitor's entrance to the ministry. He ran through the atrium as soon as the lift hit the floor; turning his head frantically left and right hoping to see Potter so that he wouldn't have to try and find him in the chaos that was the Auror Department floor. He looked at his watch and noted that he had 3 minutes until his escort was to meet him.

Panic was starting to settle in his chest, even though he could always owl her, he wanted to make sure that the message got to her as quickly as possible, before she had a chance to do anything rash. His heart leapt with joy as he saw the black messy hair that had to belong to Potter. In three long strides he was behind the man and pulled his arm rather harshly to turn him around. A pair of deep brown eyes and a pointed noise stared back at him in disgust.

"Excuse me," the stranger said as he jerked his arm out of Draco's grasp.

"My mistake, I Thought you were someone else," Draco mumbled, and turned away, all hope of reaching Granger soon evaporating into the air. Just as he completed his turn from the 'not Potter bloke' he ran into something hard and it knocked him off his feet.

Draco's eyes focused on the pair of black shoes that stood in front of him, "Why don't you watch where you're going?" Draco snapped at the man.

"I could say the same to you." Draco's head popped up. After years of taunting the boy his voice was as familiar as his own mothers. Potter stood there, making no effort to help Draco up off of the floor. He scrambled quickly to his feet and brushed the dirt from his robes. Relief filling his heart.

"Good, I have been looking for you?" Harry raised an eyebrow in question.

"I need you to do something for me."

"What? I haven't done enough already?"

"Yes, actually, you've done more than enough, but I need you to do one more thing. It isn't for me really, it's for Granger."

Draco quickly informed Potter about what was going on and asked him as nicely as he could for him to go to Granger and explain. He handed over that day's gift with the instruction not to give it to her until after she knew why he was not going to be there. To his delight Potter didn't even seem to be phased by his request. There was obviously no brotherly loyalty to the Weasel. After that night of seeing the red head in Granger's apartment Draco was sure that it would all be over, but there had been nothing since, and Potter his supposed best mate was willing to deliver a gift to Granger from him, a Malfoy. He knew there was more to it than what was let in on, but he hadn't the nerve to ask her, afraid that if he brought up Weasley it could ruin any headway that he had been making.

With a much lighter heart Draco went to meet his escort, a short balding man with a thick handlebar mustache. "Mr. Malfoy I presume? I am Jarvis Bangor." Draco shook the man's delicate hand and followed as Mr. Bangor led him to one of the fireplaces along the wall.

It had been a lonely couple of days. Thoughts of visiting Harry and Ginny would flit across her mind, but she easily discarded them, not wanting to leave her flat just in case he was able to stop by. It was a ridiculous hope, one that she hadn't even fully admitted to herself.

Hermione had been delighted to read the book that Harry had brought with him, and was even more delighted by the book that was owl delivered the next day. At least she would be able to keep herself busy. It was amazing to her that she had gone so long without reading. Of coarse she had read the reports that were put on her desk, and she would occasionally do some research, but she hadn't let herself get so immersed since after the war. She had been so busy, helping with reparations, falling in love, then of coarse after everything had happened, books had been the last thing on her mind. She was only able to focus on her pain, trying so hard to overcome the sensation, to block it out or numb it.

_It was late, the moon shone through the window and cast shadows along the bed. He lay there sleeping, snoring lightly with a drop of drool begging to fall onto the pillow. Her stomach rumbled, she had eaten three hours ago but hunger had awoken her. A sudden flash of salt and vinegar crisps with vanilla ice cream came into her mind, and she licked her lips. Was it too late to get some? There was a muggle shop on the corner that was usually open until 2 in the morning. She shifted slightly in the bed, and upon her movement he wrapped his arm around her belly, which was still not showing any signs of the baby growing within. ___

_She shifted again and his moan echoed throughout the silent room. Her fingers brushed through his hair, and his eyes fluttered open. ___

_"'Mione, you okay?" He said in a half mumble? ___

_"Yeah, just a bit hungry," and to prove her point her stomach made a low grumble. ___

_"I'd say, does baby need some food?" He chuckled, as he spoke to her belly, now more awake. "I can see what we have downstairs." His piercing blue eyes looked up at her. ___

_"Oh, okay," ___

_Her disappointment must have been apparent because he then asked, "what can I get for you?" ___

_"Well I was thinking about some of those salt and vinegar crisps and…" she tucked her chin down and looked up at him through her lashes, "…vanilla ice cream." ___

_He looked at her questioningly, but then his eyes brightened and he said, "you know, that doesn't sound half bad." He looked over at the clock on their wall, "I've got ten minutes till 2, you think I can make it?" ___

_She grinned, "of course you can." He dashed out of the room and she snuggled back into the bed, anxiously awaiting her after midnight snack. _

It had been a long weekend, full of meetings at a local muggle hotel, and it took all of Draco's energy to be civil. He was physically missing Granger and it didn't help that everyone in his department had already written him off. He had only gotten the job because their Wonder-Boy had recommended him, and he could tell that if they had had their way he would be located at the wrong end of a killing curse.

His patience did seem to win him some points with Jarvis Bangor, but the head of the department, Grady Cornwallace, was blatantly resentful of Draco's presence in his department. The sigh that came out of his mouth when Cornwallace announced that the weekend would end earlier than scheduled echoed throughout the room, and Draco heard a few stifled chuckles from behind him.

The words had barely just come out of Cornwallace's mouth when Draco started looking forward to going to Granger's that night. He had used his hour lunch break the day before to pick out the perfect present for his coming home. He was so excited about giving it to her, that he didn't look where he was going and ended up running into a door jamb with his shoulder. It didn't hurt too much, but it knocked him back and he swiveled and fell into the person behind him.

He was caught by small thin arms; there was a familiar scent of lavender in the air. Once his balance was caught he turned around and stared into the hazel eyes of Sarah. Her short ash blond hair was pinned back at the sides, and her mouth fell into the shape of an 'O' upon recognition.

"Draco?" Her stunned expression quickly turning into a smile.

"No, it's Harry Potter." He retorted back.

"Harry who?"

"Never mind." Draco tried to step past her but she moved in time with him blocking his exit.

"How've you been?" She placed her hand on his chest and he felt his heartstrings tug at her touch.

"Fine." He tried again to get past her, he couldn't take this right now. She moved again to block him.

"Can we talk?" Her voice was soft and pleading

"What for? Everything's been said."

"Please Draco, just for a minute." He knew that it was a bad idea, that she didn't deserve his time, but a part of him wanted to hear her apologize, he wanted her to beg for him to come back. Not that he wanted to go back. No, Granger's face entered his mind and he knew that he would never go back to Sarah.

"Fine." She led him through the hotel to the bar near the lobby. He sat at a bar stool and raised his finger to the bar tender to get his attention. "I'll have a pint."

Sarah sat down next to him and ordered some sort of green martini.

"So you wanted to talk, then talk." He took a long draft from his beer.

"What are you doing here?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but I am here for work."

"Really? Me too, we had this horrible…"

Draco cut her off, "Look I didn't come here to exchange pleasantries with you. You said you had something to say so say it." He leaned back against the bar, his arms crossed.

"I just, I just wanted to say that I'm, that I'm sorry."

He shrugged, "So."

"That's all? So? We were going to get married and all you can say to me is so?"

"You're right we were going to get married, then you shagged someone else repeatedly behind my back, and all you can say is 'you're sorry?' How is good old Robert anyway?"

She had the decency to look sheepish, "I wouldn't know?"

"Ah, trouble in paradise then? Glad to see you gave up what we had for such a lasting relationship." He felt satisfaction coarse through his veins.

"Don't be like that." She placed her hand on his arm.

Draco pulled his arm away at her touch. "Like what? Angry? Hurt? Tell me Sarah, what should I be like? Should I be happy that you are sorry for breaking my heart?"

"I understand that you're upset, but I miss you, I tried looking for you, but it was like you just disappeared."

"You miss me?" He grunted, "Should have thought about that before you got down and dirty with my best mate then shouldn't you?"

"It was a mistake. I just felt like you had been hiding something from me, and Robert had always been so open… It was a stupid, stupid mistake." Tears were forming in her eyes, now and Draco started feel that old warm feeling towards her come back. He shook his head, as if to clear those thoughts from his mind. She had cheated on him, he couldn't trust her, besides there was Granger, sort of. Yes, there was Granger!

"It was a mistake Sarah, one that you made. I just can't forgive you for it, not anymore."

She nodded her head in acceptance, a tear slid slowly down her cheek. She rose from the stool and looked Draco squarely in the eyes, "I wish I could change it, I wish that there was some way that I could make it up to you. I wish that I hadn't pushed you away." Draco felt a slight tightening in his chest, "but I can't Draco, I can't change it, just know that I'll be here for you, if you should change your mind. Think about it?" She kissed him lightly on the cheek, but the rush that had once been there at her touch was gone, and when he thought about it, that rush had never been anything like what he felt when he was around Granger.

He reflexively nodded at her, gulped down the remainder of his ale, got up and left. There was nothing more to say. His heart pounded fiercely in his chest as he walked away. Part of him couldn't believe that he had been able to do it and he knew that had this happened only a few months ago, he wouldn't have been able to. He felt bad, and the fact that she made him feel guilty after what she had done made him feel even worse. Again Granger's image popped inside his head and all the traces of guilt left him.

Her heart leapt at the sound of the knock on her door. She was as surprised by this reaction as she had been by the knock. A strange new kind of hope filled her, and she nearly pranced to get the door open. Having gone two days without seeing the steel grey eyes of Draco Malfoy she now realized how right Harry had been. How she had been forcing herself to deny what her heart and body were telling her was real. It was still hard for her to justify their relationship; it still caused her pain to think of Malfoy in anyway replacing _him,_ but she found it harder to fight these feelings than to just go with them.

His blond fringe was in his eyes, he looked worn out and tired, but the smile on his lips was heart-warming. Hermione trailed her fingers down his arm, they ended at his hand and she lightly held it, bringing him inside. He followed her into her flat, when she stopped and turned back to look at him. His eyes were questioning, and because they hadn't had any true contact in weeks, she could no longer control her reserve. She stood upon her toes, stretching her arm around his neck and slowly pulled his lips to hers.

It was a light peck, not the intense kissing of their previous encounters, but it gave her the shivers all the same. She pulled back after only a moment and stared into his eyes. His hand trailed down the side of her face and he broke out in another one of his gorgeous grins.

Malfoy pulled a small package out of his robes, his gift of the day. Eagerly she grabbed for it, ripping the familiar brown paper away. It was not a book, but a square stone picture frame. There were runes all along the edges and a hole at the top that showed the frame to be hollow. It had been a while since she had translated any runes, and therefore was a bit rusty, but she could make out the rune for _Memory_ and _Show._

"It's a memory frame."

"A what?"

"A memory frame, it works kind of like a pensieve, but it displays the memories like pictures. I noticed that you didn't have any up, and thought that you might like this." He shrugged, as if it was nothing.

But it was something, and Hermione was not sure if it was good. She didn't want to display her memories. She didn't want to remember her memories. All Hermione wanted was to forget. Irrational rage flowed through her, and for all the tenderness that she had just shown Hermione now displayed the exact opposite. How dare he presume to get her this? How dare he try and bring her past to the forefront.

"GET OUT!" She yelled at him as she pointed a finger towards the door. "GET OUT AND NEVER COME BACK!" Shock showed clear on Malfoy's face, but Hermione ignored that and started to shove him towards her door.

Draco was so thrown by her reaction that he didn't even have a chance to resist her pushing until he was already out in the hallway eating oak. What in the world had he done wrong? He stood there, like an idiot, a little bit longer, still not sure if he should try and go back in.

After another moment he decided instead that he would go see Potter, maybe he could get some answers once and for all.

**

The door was answered again by the, if it was even possible, more pregnant Weaslette. She didn't even ask why he was there and instead just led him into the kitchen. Potter was standing over the stove, peering into a frying pan. The room smelled of garlic and fish, and Draco realized how hungry he was. In his excitement to get to Granger he had forgotten to eat.

Potter looked up upon Draco's entrance into the room, he nodded towards the kitchen table and Draco sat down. After about five minutes Potter joined him, handing a plate with the pan fried fish and rice. It was as if Potter had been expecting him, and that gave Draco an eerie feeling.

"So," Potter paused and forked a bite of fish into his mouth, "how can I help you now?"

"I-I want to know what's wrong with her?"

Potter sat back in his chair, as if he was pondering the question, but Draco had a feeling that Potter knew what he had come here for.

"She's sad." He stated finally.

"I got that, but why?" Draco stared into his plate of fish, forking it to pieces. He heard Ginny's wobbly step enter the kitchen and he felt her eyes boring into the back of his head.

"She's experienced a lot of loss." Ginny finally answered, in a much sweeter voice than Draco had ever heard from her. "She hasn't been able to deal with it very well."

He turned to face her, "What kind of loss?"

Harry coughed and Draco turned his attention back to the dark haired man, "I really think that that is up to her to tell you. It is not our place."

"Well it isn't likely that that is going to happen, she kicked me out of her flat." He sighed back into the chair.

Ginny chuckled, "Typical."

"Yeah, she does that." Harry added.

"So what do I do?"

"You're asking us? She hasn't let either of us help her in over two years."

Draco looked to Harry for confirmation, "Sorry man, but the first time we really talked was the other day when I went there to give her _your _apologies."

Draco put his head in his hands while his elbows rested on the table. If Potter and the Weaslette didn't know what to do, how was _he _supposed to?

**A/N: Another chapter! One more left then (tear) it will be all over. All questions will hopefully be answered and you can move onto another wonderful tale. Thanks so much to all who are reading and of course a special thanks to those who are reviewing.**


	13. Acceptance

Hermione watched as the rain pelted at her window. Malfoy had just left, and with him went all of the happiness that she had felt the past few weeks. Why couldn't she just face the memories? Why was she not able to let go? She knew why, because she didn't want to. She wanted to keep the memories, all of them, locked up inside. She didn't want to be faced with them every day, reminding and mocking her of what could have been.

But bottling up the memories hadn't helped her to deal any better she realized. Maybe it was time to face her past. Maybe it was time to let someone in. She reflected on the hardest memory of all as she drew out her wand and stuck it to her temple, slowly retracting the memory from her head. She placed it softly into the frame.

_She awoke with a start, she didn't know what had jarred her awake, all she knew was that she was alone. At first she was scared but then after a moment the craving of earlier had surfaced and she remembered that he was supposed to be getting her crisps and ice cream, she must have fallen asleep. She looked at the clock; it had been only half an hour since he had left, but the store was just around the corner and it shouldn't have taken him so long. ___

_A soft knock was heard from the direction of the front door and she figured that it must have been his knock that jarred her awake. She noticed that his wand was sitting on the nightstand and she smirked at the idea of him trying to get into the house without having it. With a blanket wrapped around her shoulders she rushed to the door, ready to tease him for his forgetfulness. ___

_The sight that greeted her would forever be etched in her mind. He was sitting slumped against the house, face pale, eyes out of focus. The bag holding her snacks was on the ground beside him, ice cream leaking out onto the stoop and blending together with a pool of warm red blood. His hand, which he had used to knock on the door, lay limp against the bottom of the frame. ___

_She kneeled down and frantically searched him, trying to find out where the wound was so that she could heal it. Finally she was able to locate its origin;, it was a bullet hole to the chest. Quickly she cast the spell that would close the wound, a small gasp came from him, and his breathing became more strained. She grabbed his face and forced him to look into her eyes. ___

_"Hold on, please hold on." Tears were streaming down her face and fell unchecked onto his robes. His eyes focused on her for a second before they glazed over again. ___

_"Mine." He breathed out, and then his chest stopped heaving and his eyes went completely blank. She focused her wand at his chest and shouted 'enervate', nothing happened. ___

_Over and over again she cast the spell, as her tears drenched her face, until Harry, who must have been woken by her shouts came out and pulled her off of him. Harry held onto her tightly while both of them stared down at the pale form of the man that they both loved in different ways. ___

_Her body heaved and thrashed against Harry's arms, trying to move closer to the love of her life, but he held fast, shock holding him in place as much as it willed her to move. It was Ginny who was able to actually pull her boyfriend and best friend away from the sight of her dead brother. She calmly flooed the Burrow while Hermione and Harry just held onto each other in the doorway. Ginny silently led Hermione to bed, where she wrapped her up tightly in a new clean blanket, as the other one was now covered in blood, and administered a sleeping drought. ___

_Days past in a haze of despair. Hermione became immune to the sleeping draught, which led to sleepless nights, and exhausted days. Ginny tried to get her to eat, but not much food would pass through her lips. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her hair which had always been hard to tame was completely wild. She rarely left her bed, let alone her room. Her body ached all over, and she switched between clutching her stomach and her chest, as if trying to hold in the pain. ___

_Her wedding robes, the one's that she would now never get to wear, were torn up in a heap on her floor, marred by spots of blood that had appeared shortly after the stomach cramps came. She had been sitting with it, on the floor of her room when she felt a rush of blood coming from her nether regions. The blood slowly seeped into the white fabric, an eerie omen of what her life was to become. ___

_Through the shock she didn't even register what the blood might mean, not until days later, when Ginny had asked her what had happened to the robes. Hermione's grief, which no one thought could get any worse, did. ___

_She had lost the only connection that she had had left to him, the only thing that could have possibly saved her from herself. She was now alone, and the piece that he had left behind for her to take care of was gone. Blackness took over her life._

After leaving Potter's place he went straight home and sat in his chair, trying to work out some way to reach her. The sound of the rain outside soothed his mind, and he relaxed his body as his head lay back on the headrest. He sat there for over an hour, still with no idea of what to do. He could not picture his life without her now. He realized that, especially after seeing Sarah. He had thought that he was in love with Sarah, thought that she was going to be the one, but when he put her next to Granger, no, not Granger, Hermione, he knew that there was no competition. That Sarah didn't hold a candle to what Hermione was, or could be. Sarah hadn't needed him, Hermione did, and he would do anything to help her.

He heard quiet footsteps outside his door, they stopped just in front of his flat. He awaited the knock that he thought would come, but there was silence. At first he shrugged it off, thinking that he must have been hearing things, but then he noticed a small puddle creep under his door and into his front hall. Draco got up and went to the front door. He knelt down and touched the liquid that had pooled onto his wooden floor from the outside. Now that he was close to the door he thought he heard light breathing, and decided that maybe he hadn't been wrong the first time.

Draco opened the door, taking in the sight of Hermione standing in his hallway, wet from head to toe. Her hair was plastered around her face, and she was shivering slightly. Her brown eyes were glassy, and he knew that there was more than just rain water running down her face. Without hesitation he took her into his arms, getting his own robes wet in the process. She didn't hug him back, but instead just rested in his embrace.

She was still shivering and Draco berated himself for not getting her dry first. He un-wrapped his arms from around her and took out his wand to perform a drying spell on her, then on himself. She just stood there, and Draco didn't know what to do other than lead her to the couch and sit her down. He sat close to her, and put his arm around her shoulder as she leaned her head into his chest.

"Hermione," her body softened against him, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I truly didn't."

"I know Draco." It was like a song, his name on her lips. He had heard her say it before in conjunction with his last name, but never, never had she said it like that, never had his name sounded like such sweet music. He thanked his mother for giving him such a name in order to hear her sing it.

Her body stiffened slightly and she pulled out of his embrace. She reached into her robe and brought out the picture frame that he had given to her. Of course she would want him to take it back. He made to put it on the table, but she stopped his arm.

"I want you to look at it," she said.

Confused, he looked into the frame and saw a quiet memory flit its way across. It was her in bed with the Weasel. Even though it looked like Weasley was doing a bad job of it Draco still couldn't watch and tore his eyes away to look at her._ What was she trying to do? What was she trying to say by showing him this?_ She cast a non-verbal spell over the frame and sound suddenly rose from it. He looked back down at it, and then at her again. He definitely didn't want to hear it, seeing it was bad enough, the moaning might just have killed him.

"Please Draco, just watch." She stroked his face as she pushed it back in the direction of the frame.

He did as he was told, watching through the memories. Seeing her life of bliss with that red head unfold. Jealousy burned within him, her pleading stare was the only thing that kept him watching, hoping against hope that there was some point to this torture. He grieved with her when her mother died, and he grieved for himself when he watched as she said 'yes' to _his_ marriage proposal. He watched her glowing face as she pet her stomach, and snarled as _his_ hands grazed over it as well.

_Was that why they broke up? Did something happen to the baby? _ The memory turned again and his stomach turned with it at the idea of the crisps and ice cream mix. A new memory took the last one's place, but it seemed to be the same memory. He watched on as she practically skipped to the front door, then the breath in his chest hitched as he looked upon the limp form of who he thought would be his rival. He heard the final words breath through his mouth as Hermione worked furiously to revive him. His heart broke for her. His eyes welled up with tears, but the memory kept going. It didn't stop at Weasley's death, it didn't stop until the life that had been growing inside of Hermione was gone. He held tightly to the frame, the cool stone felt unnatural against his flesh. He tried to take it all in, to let his mind absorb the knowledge that she had just shared with him. His thoughts were a flurry of questions and remorse.

Draco felt her eyes on him, and he finally turned to look into them. He found his voice, but it came out all weird and raspy. "When did this…?"

"A little over two years ago." Fresh tears streamed down her cheeks.

"But I thought…wasn't that him at your place? I mean I just saw him?"

She shook her head, "No, that was George. He just came by to check up on me."

"Oh, Hermione," He hugged her tightly to him, hoping that all the pain that he felt on her behalf could be conveyed in that embrace. "I am so sorry."

"Me too." She said softly. He sat back against the arm of the couch and leaned her into him. They laid like that in silence; each wrapped up in their own thoughts.

Her mind was on overdrive. She didn't know what she was feeling, she just knew that it was the best she had felt in a while, even though the memory was now fresh in her mind. She felt so secure with his arms wrapped around her, and his steady breathing felt like it was breathing life back into her. Her thoughts were interrupted by his deep voice

"So can I ask, I mean… how did it happen?"

"It was a bullet," she shuddered, "some guy tried to rob the shop that he had gone to. Ginny found out the next morning." The tears that had pooled into her eyes and had not yet been spilt had chosen that moment to come rushing out. "The muggle police said that R-Ron…" she choked on his name, she hadn't even been able to say it in her head let alone out loud "…he was just about to leave, when the man came up to the register with a gun." Her tears fell faster now, and her chest started to heave.

Draco brushed his hand through her hair, "Shh, Shh, you don't have to tell me."

She choked on her tears, "N-No, I want to. I n-n-need to." He lightly brushed his lips against her head as she continued, "He didn't even have his wand, stupid man." She shook her head, and wiped the tears from her face. "Had to be a hero though," and at this she could speak no longer. Her tears had stopped, but her breathing became ragged and forced.

Draco tilted her chin up so that their eyes could meet. They were so warm, so unlike the steely gaze that she had once known from him. So different yet so similar to the cool blue that she had once thought would be the last pair of eyes she would ever gaze into.

Slowly she leaned in and softly pressed her lips to his. She bit his lower lip slightly, and gently eased her tongue into his inviting mouth. Her mind went blank of all thought except for the one that told her she was happy. The ever present pain that she had felt for the last two years and that had been ebbing away from her heart since she entered his flat, was now replaced with a new sensation. It wasn't numbness, it wasn't oblivion, it was joy and dare she think it, pleasure.

She sighed into his mouth and ran her fingers through his silky blond hair. His hands ran down her back, clutching and stroking. It was not hurried as most of their other kisses had been. There was passion, no question about that, but there was no need to take it further. It was a kiss of contentment, a kiss of acceptance, and most of all a kiss of renewal.

**A/N: So tell me, believable? I have never written a death scene. This chapter made me cry while writing it, especially (as some of you already know) because I am a huge Ron fan. After careful consideration I have decided to split this chapter in two and make the second half the epilogue, YAY, so it is not totally over yet. Let me know what you think, and any advice is greatly appreciated.**  
**Thanks of course to all of you for reading and those who are reviewing. It has been a great pleasure to hear from all of you! :)**


	14. Epiloge: Recovery

**10 months, two weeks, and three days later…. **She was curled up on the couch and reading the new book that he had brought her. Her collection was so extensive now that she had to transfigure built-in book shelves all along the walls of her living room. A small smile played across her lips as she read a particularly sweet scene.

"And what are you grinning at?" His voice broke through her concentration and her smile widened.

"Nothing, just the book you got me." He came over to her leaned down and kissed her cheek as he handed her a hot cup of cocoa. He had placed marshmellows on top and they melted slowly into the cocoa leaving a white foam in their wake.

"Mmm…smells delicious," she said as she took in the smell of the chocolate.

"Yes you do," he whispered into her ear just before playfully nipping at it. She moved to slap him with the book, but he was too fast for her and quickly escaped to the end of the couch.

"So corny," she rolled her eyes at him, and went back to her book, as she sipped her cocoa.

"Yes, but that's why you love me?" Her arm stopped just before bringing the drink to her mouth. He had said it in fun, but she couldn't help but take him seriously. Her first thought was that of Ron. She wondered if he would be happy for her? She wondered if she was betraying him? Her heart would never be whole, not the way that it had once been, but Draco had done so much for her. He brought Hermione her life back, or, a life back, for there was no way to regain what she had lost. He filled the void that Ron had left as well as anyone would ever be able to fill it. So, sitting there on a cold Sunday afternoon, Hermione for the first time really asked herself, did she love Draco Malfoy. The answer surprised her.

"You okay?" He asked, looking at her nervously as her hand still held her cocoa halfway to her mouth.

"Yes, I do." she responded.

He arched an eyebrow, "You do?"

"Love you." She whispered softly as she stared at him from under her lashes.

He continued to stare at her, he was dreaming. It had to be a dream. His eyes refocused onto hers, she was waiting patiently, waiting for him to say the same.

His head snapped to attention, he couldn't believe he hadn't said it back immediately. "I love you, too." He managed to get out without his voice croaking or cracking, though it took great effort.

Draco crawled along the couch, creeping closer to her. He grabbed the cup of cocoa and removed it from her hands and placed it carefully on the table behind her. He then took the book and with less care dropped it to the floor. He stroked her face gently, and stared into her deep brown eyes, "I love you, too." He said again, in his deep husky voice. It had come out even easier the second time. He had been waiting patiently for her to be ready and hadn't even realized it. Draco brought his mouth to hers, and his heart swelled with love for the girl that was once his enemy.  
Her hands slowly wound their way up to his neck and into his hair. He snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her into him. The kiss deepend and he tried to throw all of the love that he felt into it.

Then he broke away from their kiss and jumped from the couch, her bewilderment at his sudden break from their pleasant kiss apparent on her face. Just as quickly he lifted her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom. Her feet dangled over his arm and her hands clutched around his neck for support. Draco placed her onto the bed, where he eased himself on top of her and continued the passionate kiss from moments before.

They each took their time, exploring the other's body with their hands, exploring each other's mouth's with their tongues. They hadn't been intimate since before her breakdown all those months ago. Draco trailed kisses along her neck and shoulder, only to be brought back up to her ever inviting lips. Their clothes slowly made their way onto the floor. He hovered hesitantly above her naked form, she gave him a small nod and a hungry smile, the only signal he needed and he proceeded to slowly lower his body onto hers.

Their bodies moved in rhythm with one another, their senses heightened. They reveled in the feel of skin on skin and exploded in a wave of pleasure as they made love for the very first time.

**

The End

**A/N: That's it! The end. Thank you to everyone who has read this I hope you enjoyed the journey. Of course thanks to all who reviewed, I appreciate all of your support. :) Let me know what you think and anything that you think needs to be edited or changed.**


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